Christmas

Here is my beautiful family! It took us forever to get both dogs to look at the camera at the same time, but it was worth the headache. We really did have a wonderful time with Stefanie and Matt in Nashville. It was so nice to get away and be with family! We arrived on Christmas Eve, so Stef and I were able to watch A Muppet Christmas Carol! Yeah! I love watching that movie on Christmas Eve!

We spent Christmas morning opening presents and just hanging out in our pj's. We actually had bagel breakfast sandwiches first since Stef needs to eat as soon as she gets up. Nick scrambled some eggs, we pulled out the bagels, cheese, and lunchmeat. It was perfect!

We went to see Sherlock Holmes later on Christmas Day. It is kind of a Mahan tradition. We used to go to a movie on Christmas Day fairly often. I loved the movie, and I think that I got a sweet compliment from Nick. He told me that he was beginning to understand my little bit of crazy because really smart people are crazy. So, I'm choosing to take that as a compliment of my intelligence.

On Sunday we were able to meet up with my Uncle Mitch for dinner. He was driving through on his way home from visiting my cousins for Christmas. It was really great to see him! He got to meet Nick for the first time, which was great. Michele, his girlfriend, was driving through with him, so we got to meet her as well.

Great Christmas! Great times! So much to look forward to in 2010! Bring on the fun!

Three Dogs, Four Adults and a Two-Bedroom Apartment

Nick, Joey, Elway and I went to spend the Christmas Holiday with Stef, Matt and Elle in Nashville, TN. We started planning this trip right around the time that Stef and Matt moved in September. I was so excited to go see Stef and her growing belly. We drove the 11 hours it takes to get to Nashville from Fort Worth over night thinking that the drive would be easier on us and the dogs. Elway has never been away from home--EVER--other than trips to the vet. So, the night started with me trying to dragging him to the car and then shoving him into the car while Joey danced and pranced because she LOVES the car! After about a half hour of crying Elway settled down and was just fine! Both dogs were well behaved all the way to Nashville. I took this picture right as we got into Nashville. It was about seven o'clock in the morning, and we had been rained on the ENTIRE way to Nashville. We are not talking a light sprinkle either. It poured rain! So much so that I-30 was closed in Little Rock and we were re-routed through part of the city. We managed to find our way through with the help of a Good Samaritan at the gas station we found our way again. It took about 24 hours, but all three dogs managed to poop, pee and vomit in the house. Elway couldn't leave Elle alone. Joey couldn't decide whether she needed to protect Elway from Elle, Elle from Elway, or herself from the both of them. It was an adjustment living in an apartment when they are used to having a yard, but in all seriousness, the dogs were pretty good.

Why I LOVE Facebook!

You can look at this post and laugh, but I seriously, Facebook has opened up a whole new world to me that I knew exsisted, but never really knew how FABULOUS this world was. This world of which I am speaking is the world of my extended family. It is hard to get to know people when you spend your entire lives on opposite sides of the country. When we are separated by distance and even age, it is hard to get to know and relate to those people with whom you share blood but you are not sure if there is anything else.

Facebook has magically and wonderfully connected me with people I never would have known otherwise. Okay, so we might no have a close personal relationship that one gets by seeing people everyday, but we have some kind of relationship. I love reading the quirky posts, the kind words, the pictures and the likes and dislikes of my family. I feel as if I have a piece of them I never had before, and I love it all!

Nope!

I received an email this morning around 10:30 telling me that I was not selected as a candidate for the job I interviewed for last week. Sigh! I guess that this is okay. I was hopeful and wanted it, but I had a BIG sinking feeling yesterday that I wasn't going to get this job. Guess I was right.

It is a shot to the ego when you don't get a job you wanted. I think that Texas is just a shot to my ego, actually. One interview. No job offers. I am still not sure what I am supposed to be learning from this no work time, but I'm pretty over it.

So, I will just try and be patient and wait for the right job to come along. (Patience? Is that the lesson I am supposed to be learning?) I guess we will have to wait and see--WHETHER I WANT TO WAIT OR NOT!

Thanks Heavens for Little Girls!

I'M GOING TO HAVE A NEICE!!! Congratulations to Stef and Matt! They are going to have a beautiful baby girl! Can't wait to be an aunt!

We Are All Allowed a Little Bit of Crazy...

This is my confession of the crazy things that have been floating through my head for the past few days. I am totally blaming this on turning 30 soon, but I really could just be crazy!

1. Do I really want to have babies?
Gasp if you must and run to grab the thermometor to make sure I am feeling okay, but that is actually something that has been running through my head. Why? Well, I like our life. I like being home and hanging out with Nick and not having to worry about anyone else. I like sleeping through the night. I like being able to pick up and run out the door at a moments notice. Besides, this world is a crazy, scary place where there are crazy scary things. I'm worried enough about me handling it! How can I expect to prepare my own children?

2. If I can guarantee that we have girls...
I might reconsider. However, I have a theory about how sons steal a mother's heart and her sanity and then spend all of their adult life stomping on her heart strings. I am terrified to have sons. I don't know what I would do with them or how to handle them or if I would even like them. Sigh! Not a pleasant way to spend a lifetime.

3. If I get this job and go back to work...
We will just have to push having kids off more anyway. As soon as I begin working, I will need to stay working for a long time. Longer than I originally thought. School loans and cc debt and wanting to buy a house and establish some roots are all pressing on my mind. BIG TIME! Not to mention that I am watching my husband melt under the stress of making his budget for next year which determines our income. I can't let him stress like that anymore. I need to contribute to us more.

4. Really, I am getting too old for this...
I know. Thirty! So what? Right? Nope. I'm scared to have kids in my 30's. What if something is wrong with them or me? We already tried this once and it didn't keep. If that happens again, I can't promise that I wouldn't want to give up.

5. I'm afraid to do this alone and so far away from my family. I don't think I am strong enough for that.

I Hate Waiting...

My interview went well. And now we wait!

I hate waiting. I hope we will know next week.

Interview...Frustration...Life

Random title for a post, I know, but I am updating on a few things, so here it goes.

That is right! I finally have an interview. You know, part of what has been so hard about moving here was giving up my job. No one ever thought that I would move to Texas and have SUCH a hard time finding one, but it has been a nightmare. I applied to probably 15 school districts and approximately 100 different specific jobs without any calls for an interview. And now, here we are, the middle of the school year and I have an interview for a HS Eng position. CRAZY! I tried to play it smart tonight and went to go find this school. It is quite the drive away, and I wanted to be 100% sure that I would be able to find it in the morning. So, I got directions and headed out. It is a good thing that I did too! If I had made the attempt to drive out there in the morning without any knowledge of where I was headed, I would have had a mental breakdown. Oh, wait! I did have a mental breakdown. You know, people keep telling me that the highways and biways in Texas are great and make so much sense! They are lying through their teeth and probably laughing at me as I flounder around. I don't get lost easy. I can navigate pretty well around places, but this place has me all twisted up and confused. Don't ask Nick about it though. All he says is, "It's so easy, Jen." LIAR! However, I found the school, so I hope that I will be able to make it with no problem tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the Christmas Party that Nick and I are in charge of organizing. This is the first time we have ever had to do this, and there are a MILLION things I would do differently next year. However, we will survive this one, I think. I hope. I went and started to set up the tables and such, and I am going to spend the better part of my day there tomorrow as well. In fact, I bet that if I was smart, I would go shop for the remaining items that we need right now. I'm tired and really not that smart though. Dang it! I guess I am headed to the store! I'll take pictures and share them with everyone. I hope it is an event to rememeber.

My Crazy Little Girl

My darling, dog, Joey is amazing! I named her Joey simply because she is an Australian Kelpie Mix which reminded me of kangaroos and baby kangaroos are joeys. Anyway, this named proved to be fitting in more ways than one because she can jump like a kangaroo. She isn't a big dog. She is very athletic, and demonstrates this by running and jumping like crazy! She is also an escape artist.

Joey has never been one to enjoy being caged--seriously, who does? However, if there is a way out of somewhere and something...she finds it! We have another dog, Elway, who likes to get into things and desroy pillows and chairs when he is angry with Mom and Dad. In order to keep them contained, we bought a baby gate that confines them to the kitchen and the backyard via the doggie-door. Joey has decided that this arrangement is no longer to her liking, so she has started jumping the baby gate.

She stands in front of it, crouches down, jumps up like it is nothing, and CLEARS the gate with no problem. Lucky for us, her brother has never tried to jump up in his life, so he is stuck on the other side. I honestly don't mind that she jumps to the other side. I just hope we can teach her to jump back!

Here is Miss Joey probably two years ago. I will have to post some pictures of the babies now! She has changed so much, and Elway is a beast! I love them both, but she will always be my little girl. She is even sitting under me right now relaxing and hiding from her evil brother. Silly girl!

Decorating

We put up decorations yesterday! Here is a little glimpse at our cozy Christmas house!

The outside looks great thanks to Nick and his lighting skills!

This is a wreath that I made--notice the S in the middle. It stands for Sadler...yes, I am still amazed that this is my new last name.

Our stocking--from left to right--Jen, Nick, Elway and Joey.

Finally...OUR TREE! Our house just feels so cozy and happy! I love this time of year and all the happiness that comes with it. Enjoy the season and all the splendor that comes with it!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Freaking Life

It is so amazing to me how we can be plodding along one minute trying to just have a little fun, and the next minute be stopped in our tracks by the most unexpected news. My brother-in-law, Eric, has been diagnosed with lymphoma. He's been sick forever, and this is what they have found out. Holly and Eric have been back and forth from the hospital for tests and biopsies, etc. It looks like he will begin treatment next week. We are praying lots and talking with everyone everyday. My body is in big sister mode, and I want to be there with them so bad! It isn't as if there is anything I can actually do except take care of people. It's all I am really good at anyway.

Missing them! Missing home! Can't wait to see everyone, and I hope to see them all soon.

Struggling

Going home was awesome, but it made being here all the more difficult. When, oh when, is this going to get easier?

Visit from Dad

Nick's dad and step-mom (Ed and Rochelle) came and visited us last weekend. We had a great time with them. The weekend was very laid back and comfortable. We played games, went to the Stockyards, out to dinner, went shopping. It was so nice to spend time with them. The following are some pictures from the trip.

Nick and me out at dinner at Joe T's. It is THE place to go when you are here. The atmosphere is amazing! We sat out on the patio next to a big fountain under some pretty amazing trees. I really enjoyed it--Nick never took me there before this. He talked about it all the time, but with Dad and Rochelle here, he seemed like the perfect opportunity.

This is Ed and Rochelle at Joe T's. They both had a few drinks in them Joe T's is the most famous for their margaritas.

We took the picture of the boys with their dad at the Stockyards. We came to realize that with all the pictures we have plastered all over this house, we don't have one of Dad anywhere. So, it became really important that we get a good picture of them while he was here. I love this picture. It is perfect.

Just a silly Nick and Jen picture. We took it at the Stockyards. Nick says that I am too good at taking these pictures of us, but you can see my outstretched arm in his sunglasses. Pretty funny!

Finally, if I had a cow, this is what she would look like. Cute and happy and all dolled up. My sister, Stef, says I should call her Tootsie. It is a perfect name.

Lost Babies

What a day today was! I got up at eight to find a hole in the fence, the neighbors gate open, and my dogs gone. In panic mode, I called Nick and made him come home to help me look. We scoured the neighborhood, visited Animal Control, and went came home. I worked a half day, so I had to get ready for work. There was nothing we could do.

Right before I had to leave, I got a call from a lady who had Joey--but no Elway. So, I ran to pick her up then headed to sub. I still had heard nothing by the time I came home, so Joey and I went for a walk around our whole neighborhood. We didn't find Elway on our walk, and I felt pretty frustrated.

Right before Nick came home from work I got a phone call from a family who said that they thought they might have my dog. He was hiding from the world behind an AC unit, and he wouldn't come out to play. I went and picked him up, and he was so happy to see his mom!

Needless to say, I am exhausted! We took pictures of our rotted fence, and now will come the battle to get a new one from our landlord. This could get interesting.

Birthday Boy

Today is Nick's 29th birthday! Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband. He takes amazing care of me, and I couldn't live without him!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE!!!!!!!!

Jack-o-lantern

We carved our pumpkins the other night, so I thought that I would post the pictures! We got the patterns to make them look great, and as you can see, they turned out pretty wonderful!

Nick looked super intense while working on his. He did a bunch of the design on his own because he got frustrated with the pattern. However, if you look at the picture below, you see that he did a fantastic job! His came out great. I think it kind of looks like Voldemort peaking out of the blinds.

This last one is my little monster. He is a cute one! Both of them look great in front of the house--even though Nick seems to think that the rest of the decorations outside look terrible. He is crazy though. They look great at night when it is dark and the skeleton lights are on.

Halloween

So, I actually do like Halloween. I like little children in costumes. I like passing out candy. I like watching It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. I just don't LOVE dressing up myself. I feel self-conscious and silly--two things that I absolutely cannot stand.

When we were invited to go to a Halloween party, I was actually excited. Even though I don't love costumes, the idea of finding one and dressing up with Nick made it better. The search for the perfect costume began...only to be halted by this: we can't go to the party due to the fact that it will put me in a socially akward and unacceptable situation that tends to put a lot of added stress on my marriage.

Maybe I am not loving Halloween as much as I thought I did.

I wonder...

I wonder if there is something that I can do just to lift my spirits a little. I wonder why I am so sad sometimes. Things are supposed to be going great! Remember? I am married to my best friend. We are finally together. We have Joey and Elway, and everything that goes along with his job is great right now. I just don't want to live vicariously through him anymore. He has work and friends and things to do and places to be. If I never wanted to leave this house, I would never have to. Unfortunately for us all, I hate being a home body. Granted, making a home with Nick is the most I have felt like I have a HOME since I lived in the Broomfield house. That place has been forever ruined for me though. I guess that as long as Nick and I are together, I should find things and ways to make myself happy. My social outlet is going to have to be church because I have nothing else right now. There are some really great people at church, and some wonderful women whom I already adore. I could make some good friends here. I just really miss my friends at home who I could yell at across the hall or run into their classroom. I miss driving over to A's house to play with her and the kiddo. I miss Old C's with my girls. I hate that I am missing K's belly grow! We were all supposed to be together for those things.

I guess that I really need to stop focusing on the things that feel so negative right now and build some positives. I love my husband. He is my world. I love our little family--even though our children are dogs. I am looking forward to building up our life together. It will be a great life.

Break Down

So, I really did break down yesterday. Nick's dad called and asked if it was okay for him to come visit in three weeks. We were under the impression that my parents might be here during that time, so I sent both parents a text message asking what dates exactly they would be here. The answer, they can't come early November like they wanted. I don't think even I realized how much I was holding on to the idea that they were going to come visit until they weren't coming anymore. I lost it. I sobbed. I snotted all over myself. I ended up arguing with my sister who didn't seem to understand that all I needed was someone to cry to.

I can't seem to focus on anything except for how much I don't like it here. There are all kinds of factors that contribute to that. Subbing totally stinks. I hate feeling so insignificant. I have made a few friends here and there, but it is so different. Leaving those people who have been my BEST friends and family for so long has been really hard. I have no confidence. I say things wrong all the time. I am not comfortable in my own skin. I don't even feel like I am being myself around my darling husband--the one person I have been able to be just me around since I met him.

This place is not my home, and I really do want to make it better. I just don't know how to do that. How does a person do that? I don't know how, but I know that there are people out there who are really good at it. Help me!

Announcement Pictures

We took pictures for our ceremony announcements. I just thought I would post a few to share.

Missing Work...

So, I miss being a real teacher. I know, I know, Stef. I am still a real teacher, but I sure don't feel like one. Nothing to plan or teach or read or grade. It is killing me! How do people do this? I have to bring things to do because I am SO bored while I wander around the room and stare at kids hoping they are actually doing work. I refuse to fight the cellphone and iPod fight. I won't ride them for not working if they are not being a problem. I can't! I have zero authority and no respect. I am there to prod them into doing something while their teacher is gone and to maintain order. That's it. I am a babysitter, and it is already old! This is going to be a long year!

Powderhorn

We spent Labor Day weekend with the family at Powderhorn as usual! We had a really great time--as usual! Here are some snapshots of the weekend fun!

This is most of the group enjoying lunch at Dos Hombres before we headed up the mountain to the condo on Saturday this year. We usually head up Friday, but Saturday seemed easier this time around.

This is just one the view pictures I took as Dad drove Nick, Stef, and me up Land's End Road to the top of the Grand Mesa. He told Nick he had an adventure to take him on, and this was it. Nick loved it!

This is a picture of some of the group as we watched the sunset from on top of the Grand Mesa on Sunday night. Nick turned around too soon! I love to see everyone enjoying the beauty that is God's great Earth!

Nick took this one of the two of us while we were all out on the desert on Monday. We go shooting every year! We missed it last year because I had to get Nick to the airport, but we had a lot of fun shooting with everyone this year.

New for the School Year

So, the school year in Colorado has started and now the school year in Texas has started. I have started nothing. Essentially this means that I am officially not working this school year.

Okay, okay...I am will be subbing in the district in which we live. For some reason, that isn't real work to me. It is getting paid $80/day to babysit. Not my idea of a real job or even real work. I know! All districts need good subs. Teachers love good subs. I can probably work almost everyday. However, even working everyday as a sub, I bring home less than $15,000 for the year. It almost doesn't feel worth it. Any money is welcome, but when you are used to earning your own money...this is just insane!

I keep thinking that there is something--something important--I am supposed to learn from this. Maybe it is how to be dependant without feeling it. Maybe it is to learn how to communicate with Nick even better than we already do. I just don't know. I want to be working. I want to feel like we are going to make it financially...and I am terrified that we won't. I guess that is a pretty common fear these days, huh? Not exactly a comforting thought.

I am grateful that Nick has a good job. We are continually blessed as he continues to do well with his work. Perhaps I need to learn to be thankful for the things I do have. I'll work on it.

Elway!

As much as I love John Elway, this is not a tribute to him. Actually, Nick and I added a new addition to our family this week in the form of a puppy. His name is Elway. He is a coffe and tan colored lab/collie mix who is a fierce bundle of energy! He is our fearless little boy who loves the water and jumping frantically all over his sister, Joey.

Here he is cuddling with our Broncos blanket. Totally appropriate!

Here and Happy

So, obviously it has been a long while since I have posted anything, but we are in our house, happy, and getting settled! I have been playing house and hanging out a lot. I found the library and church, so those are my big social outings. I need to go pick up our pool key from the HOA office, and then I will be there working on my tan as often as possible. :) This should actually be often.

I will have to post some good pictures soon. After we get the office set up and I feel the house is under control I will post some pictures from our life here. It is a good life! I love being married. I love being with Nick every day...it is rough being here sometimes, but worth every sacrifice and every lonely moment. He lights up my world when he walks in the door.

Overwhelmed

I cannot pretend that I am not drowning in all the things I need to get done here in the next few weeks! I have so much to do, and I am at the point where I just don't know where to start or which end is up! Not to mention that I am trying to see everyone in the next few weeks, and there are lots of people to see!

So, I have a to do list that is HUGE! Here it is, just in case you think I am exaggerating!

1. Grade Research Papers
2. Huck Finn Essays
3. Romeo and Juliet Work
4. Pack Kitchen
5. Clean Living Room
6. Laundry
7. Pack Bathroom
8. Pack dresser
9. Clean out/pack storage under stairs
10. Clean out/pack storage unit on patio
11. Call about marriage license
12. Pick up copies of marriage license
13. Send off paper work
14. Change sheets
15. I think you get the idea! I can't even begin to think about everything else!
16. Oh! Call the moving company with new address
17. See, I told you this was bad! I am adding to the list in my head even as I type.
18. Find a JOB! (Freaking out about it a little!)

And now I need a nap!

We did it!!

So, we did it. We got married on Friday in a simple ceremony at the courthouse, and it was just fantastic. We spent a busy weekend with family and friends. It was great, and yet there is a part of me that is very ready for us to just be together at home with nothing to do but spend time making dinner and hanging out together. The next time Nick is here, we will be running back and forth between Denver and Montrose going to graduations and then packing up and moving out! Literally! Okay, really, I should be packed by then, so we will pack up the last minute stuff, my dog, and probably the TV and start our journey to Texas.

We talked a little about taking a trip to the coast somewhere and spending a long weekend together. This will be our mini-honeymoon. Then I will really start to plan for our wedding ceremony for next May. It will be wonderful! I am excited about it. It will be great to spend this year playing newlyweds! Yeah!!

Oh Goodness!

Well, we did just get engaged, and on Friday we are getting married. Yes, it is sudden. Yes, it is fast. Yes, I am ready. Yes, I am excited! I actually cannot wait to be Mrs. Sadler, and I am kind of relieved that this has worked out the way it has. I feel at peace with it all for a lot of reasons, and I can only hope that we will make it through this next month of packing and cleaning and moving.

Nick has been looking at houses for us. He is such a rockstar! I am pretty impressed with him and his willingness to find us a place to rent. He spent the day yesterday looking with our fabulous leasing agent, Becky, and they are going to check out two more places today before making a decision.

There is what looks like a great house on the realty website we have been looking at, and I am crossing my fingers that this place will be as great in real life as it looks online. Then I am praying that we will be able to get it! In the long run, what really matters is that we have a house to make a home and that Nick is the one who lives in it with me.

Is it May 25th yet?

Engaged!

So it is official! Nick and I got engaged on March 20, 2009. It was spring break and I was there with him. It was the first day of spring break, and I was thrilled just to be there with him for an entire ten days. He took me to dinner and arranged with the restaurant for us to have a table set up with candles and a picture of us and a custom made Broncos jersey with Sadler on the back hanging up. He was so cute! When he got down on one knee, I immediately started to cry and had to shake my head yes because I couldn't talk very well. So, we are getting married in CO on Januray 23, 2010. I am moving on May 25, 2009. I am so excited and nervous and stressed out--but in a good way!

Here is a picture of us right after he proposed.

The Convo...

Last night Nick had the conversation with my parents asking them for permission for my hand. Okay, that is totally not what he said, but it is the main concept behind what he did. I think that things went well. I know that he was super nervous and all parties involved would have prefered that this was done in person. However, this was/is the way it happened, and I really don't see anything wrong with that.

So, now on to the proposal. Sometime. Soon. I think.

Asking for their blessing

So, this is really happening. Nick is getting ready to ask for my parent's blessing to marry me. Holy crap! Seriously?! Since he can't do it in person, he made a photo book and had it shipped to their house. The book does not ask them for permission, but it does briefly tell the story of us and talks about how wonderful he thinks I am. It is cute--yeah, I have seen a copy of it because he created it online. We both thought that it would get there sometime next week, but nope! It will arrive tomorrow. TOMORROW! I think that means that Nick will attempt to talk with my parents this weekend. Oh goodness!

I am feeling a little giddy and all over the place. Wow! Even though this is all happening, I can hardly believe that this is all happening. Yeah! I just pray that it all works out like we want it to. I am ready to get this show on the road. :)

What now?!

I am so very ready for it to be Spring Break. This month has DRAAAGGGGGED on and on! We are going to spend ten days together. He will have to work part of the time, so I will sleep in everyday and go pick him up at noon. It will be nice, and I am excited to be able to spend so much time with him. I hope that we will be able to plan some things and look at some neighborhoods we would like to move in to. I am anxious to plan, plan, plan! Planning is always my favorite part--I like to plan and then delegate and supervise. I am generally pretty good at it. I work hard to make sure my plans come to fruition though. I have a harder time delegating things when I know that I can just do it myself than I let on. Perhaps this is why I am flipping out about my kid's research papers. Or maybe I just want them to be responsible and do their work. I don't know! Maybe I push them too hard--ha! Not likely...

The Hunt

So, here I am again--hunting for a job in Texas. I passed test #3, and I have one more to go. I will take this in April. Then the testing process will be done, and the waiting for my official license will begin. As long as I have it by the start of school, I think I will be okay. I just hope that there is a school willing to hire me without the official license. I am starting to get nervous.

I am also playing impatient. I am really ready to go to Texas. I feel as if things here are not really so wonderful right now. My life is not here--it is hundreds of miles away from where I physically live. I am stressed out at work, and my personal life (other than with Nick) makes no sense right now. This is making it very easy for me to want to leave. Today there is nothing holding me here.

I am looking forward to Spring Break. I will spend all ten days in Texas. I will need all ten days in Texas to decompress. My body tenses and tenses and tenses until I am ready to explode, and when we are together, I relax. I wish it wasn't so obvious that I need him so much. I am amazed that I am at that point.

We spent a really great weekend in Las Vegas. Kristie got married there, and we went to be a part of that with her. This picture is of us there. :)

The Future

Is it bleak or filled with possibilities? This is something that I have questioned over and over again! As we talk about how we are going to manage moving and life and all the money issues and things we find ourselves faced with, I begin to panic a little. I was too young to really be affected my a bad economy before, and I am amazed at how it really does affect every aspect of my life. I worry about every cent. I am worried about traveling to a wedding in Las Vegas. I am worried about Nick spending money on my ring right now. I am worried that getting married is going to be something that is just too expensive for us to do right now and maybe we should wait until things are better. Everything I do--driving, going to lunch, the store, the gym--makes me question whether or not I should really be doing it. Will it take too much gas? Can I make it to the end of the month? Can I save any money right now? When will this all end?

For the first time yesterday I panicked a little at the mention of people possibly losing their jobs at the plant. This doesn't hurt my job, but it could hurt Nick's. Although I am almost sure that his job is relatively safe, I still worry. What would we do? I hate that things are so uncertain in the world right now that the job that was thriving even six months ago is hurting so much right now. I am also amazed that his livlihood--while not something I physically depend on--is something that I depend on. I only hope that he feels the same way.

Being Sick

Sometimes I wonder how it is possible for relationships to survive when one person is sick. I have been sick for a few days, and I am pretty sure that Nick is the most patient person on the planet. He has let me whine, cry, vent, and grump. He has put up with my bad mood, my anger, my tiredness, and my hostility. He laughs at me a little when I am being ridiculous, and does his best to make me laugh when I am down. If he can put up with all of this right now, he is so meant to be with me forever. I think he has seen sides of me that no one else--other than family--really has. He has been a rock for me to rest on this week while I vented about my students and cried over our situation.

Being sick has not left me much room for patience, and what little I do have is wasted on my kids during the day. I apologize to him over and over for being such a pain, and he just laughs and tells me that I am fine. He is a good guy, and I am lucky to have him!

Dreaming

I am dreaming big time today about the future. It is pretty exciting and all kinds of fun to look for jobs and houses and to think about all the craziness that will happen between now and moving time. I am looking forward to trips to TX, and Vegas, and lots of things to do in between times. There is so much to think about! Dreaming is what gets me through the day.

This weekend is my birthday, and I am dreaming about not having to spend any of those apart from Nick as well. We were together for his in November, but we are going to have to celebrate mine at the end of the month when I see him next. He is sad, I am sad, but there really is nothing that can be done. He will be there with me in spirit. That is the most important thing.