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Thursday, June 22, 2017

So This Thing Happened...

Okay, anyone who is friends with me knows that OBVIOUSLY we had a baby girl--earlier than expected. But, I thought I would go ahead and share the details of our girl's arrival. She made quite the dramatic entrance into the world.

Sunday, May 21, 2017, I sent my sisters a somewhat frantic text message that evening because I had started spotting, and it was a bit unusual looking (I won't share details). They proceeded to talk me down as it could have just been nothing because (here is something no one tells you) sometimes you just bleed FOR NO REASON when you are growing a human. And it is stressful and keeping calm about it is not easy. However, the sisters talked me off my ledge and I shared the fun information with Nick (ah, marriage!). The next day there was a little more of the same, so I checked in with the nurse at my doc's office. We came to the conclusion that there was nothing to really worry about at this point, so I continued to simply monitor.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017. things looked a bit different, and I was feeling very uncomfortable with the change in the look of the very red blood. So, in to the doctor we went. AND ALL THE BABIES WERE BEING BORN. Seriously. All the rooms were full. All the extra rooms were full. I spent the night in the triage room where the bleeding got progressively worse. After an ultrasound where NO evidence of any tearing or placental issues were found, two more steroid shots (just in case), and dinner at 11pm, I woke to the great "when should we have a baby" debate. After a morning of monitoring me and baby, the decision was made to have a baby at 5pm. Then that decision was changed,  and the doc on duty debated waiting until the following morning to ship us off to the OR for my c-section. After much debate and a long talk with me, she decided to go ahead and perform the surgery on Wednesday evening at 8pm.

So, on Wednesday, May 24, 2017 at 8 pm, as I was still signing consent forms, I was rolled back to the operating room. And as I left Nick outside to wait, my whole being was overcome with an intense sense of absolute terror. It took all the willpower I had NOT to jump down and try to run away. However, I slid onto the operating table, squeezed a pillow and my nurse through the spinal, lay down, threw up, and waited for Nick to come sit by my head. He will tell you a very different story, I am sure, but after what felt like a very long time, a SILENT, FLOPPY, GHOST-WHITE baby was rushed to the corner of the OR. I watched in shock as the nurses frantically worked on my baby as I whispered over and over again, "PLEASE cry, please cry, please cry" until there was a quiet sound from her. They stabilized her and rolled her past me while saying, "Look at your baby. I need to get her out of here."

I was taken back to my room for all post-op procedures when I was visited later by the neonatologist who wanted to have her air lifted to another hospital for treatment. You see, I/we had experienced a pretty severe placental abruption. Basically, my placenta was separating from the uterine wall, and to make matters worse, it also just kind of fell apart (split in two) as they were pulling her out. She lost a crazy amount of blood and received FOUR transfusions that first night. FOUR! The concern then obviously becomes the amount of oxygen she didn't have, so she was sent to a specialist who turned her into a baby Popsicle. As in, her core temp was cooled for 72 hours to allow her brain and organs to heal while in a slower state. This is really a rather remarkable thing, and it is something that has only recently been done to babies as early as 34 weeks gestation. Which means we barely made it.

You guys. The miracle that is my youngest child was made possible through miraculous event piled upon miraculous event. I try not to say it often, but we ALMOST lost her. And I just can't...

We spent 17 days in the NICU: three as a popsicle, eight long days until I could hold her for the first time, and nine days learning how to eat. She came home on (and is currently still on) a little bit of oxygen. She eats well. She sleeps well. She is getting all the love from all her people, and we are so blessed, so happy, so grateful for it all.

I was reminded that angels attend to and watch over our sweet babies--in the form of nurses, doctors, and actual angels. I promise you that the NICU is watched over closely and attended to regularly.

So, as we love hard to and put this ordeal behind us, I am happy to introduce Camille Jay--our pretty little caboose.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Be Brave

Courage is found in unlikely places. ~J.R.R. Tolkien

It has taken me some time to decide what, exactly, I wanted to focus on in this 2017 year. However, in a conversation I had with a friend of mine--one of those crazy soul mate kind of friends with whom I have never actually met face to face--it occurred to me that it is time for me to stop living the life I have been and focus on really living my life. I am sure I have said it to people a thousand times, but I will type it again here: I have been in survival mode/barely getting by for far too long. The biggest crisis of my life thus far happened when I was just a tender 32, and I JUST TURNED 37, for goodness sake! It is high time that I dug myself out of the hole I have been hunkered down in and figure out this life thing! I am ready to have FUN again. I don't want to be a casual observer anymore. I don't want to watch other people have the time of their lives while I hide in my house under the guise of needing to always take care of my children. Do you know how happy they are (well, minus Beau, but he is clingy boy these days) when the momma leaves them to play with someone else? THEY LOVE IT! 

I'm rambling...honestly though, how does a person actually DO this? How do I become braver in my life? How do I convince myself in the moment to take risks? Will I remember to say yes when my first instinct is to say no? When doubts and fears start to take over--which they obviously easily do--will I be able to push them away? 

My half-life (yes, I know that sounds rather Voldemort-ish) needs to come to an end. I'm a pretty fascinating person with a really fascinating story to share. I deserve all the good things, but good things don't just happen when you are sitting around waiting for them. I need to be an active participant in life. In the world. In my community. Good grief, you guys. I am going to be a freaking mother of four this year! You cannot be a mother of four and be boring. You just can't! 

So, I will do my best to update the blog better this year about all the really fabulous, terrifying, exciting and fascinating adventures I am going to have this year. Yes, pregnant and all. This is happening!

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

It Has Been So Long...

And I wish I had more to say! We have been super busy in the business of growing/playing/learning around this joint! So, let me offer a brief update on each family member.

Nick: Happy. Home. New job--again, but this one is a keeper. He is so busy, and while I hear every single day that he doesn't have enough hours in the day--he loves what he is doing, and he is back in a place where they recognize his potential and love him. I am SO glad. Life is much better when he leaves daily to head to a job he enjoys that keeps him challenged.

Jen: LuLaRoe is busy. The kids are super busy. The house is chaos--but manageable. So, you could say that everything is peachy-keen, jelly-bean. I am headed to a fun pop-up this evening, and I really need to load my car, so I am blogging instead. Don't worry. I still have time.

Quincy: Kindergarten life is the best life. She LOVES school. Her teacher. Her classroom. Her friends. She is learning so much, and I love to hear all about school every day. And, I get an earful every single day. She is growing leaps and bounds, and I have to say that as much as I love this stage, the sassy glimpse I get into her teenage years is a bit frightening. Sigh. She's mine.

Tessa: Tessa really just wonders why she can only go to preschool for 1/2 a day four times a week. She loves it, and now that Quincy is gone a full day five days a week, she sees no need to be wasting time at home. Seriously. She starts to ask me at 8:15 if it is time for preschool yet (11:45 is start time) and doesn't stop until we are grabbing her back pack. Her teacher is wonderful, and she is a friend and a preschool leader this year. She has great friends, and her favorite part of preschool is bringing something to share. Which she can do everyday.

Beau: Finally weaned at almost 16 months. Finally walked at 16 months. Still spends most nights in our bed. He loves to talk, and while his main form of communication is still pointing and grunting (he is a total caveman), he says, thank-you, bye-bye, momma, dad, and trash. He will sign please and all done. He makes a few animal sounds--but eventually every animal just sounds like a dog.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Summer Blog Challenge #8: A Skill or Talent I Wish I Instantly Had

Okay. Really. There are SO MANY talents I wish I instantly had. Like being able to automatically command a room or always being able to say the right thing or being approachable. I see these as being talents, but really the talent I wish I had more than anything in the world is the talent and gift of music...

Yes, I am fairly musical. I can carry a tune and minimally play the piano and the clarinet. I understand that this is more than many have been blessed with, and I am grateful. I love music. I love to sing. I love to dance with my children. I love to plink out a song on the piano. I love it.

However, I wish I could instantly sit down and play any song on the piano. I wish I could compose. I wish I could write killer lyrics. I wish I could play many instruments. I wish I could play the piano, the violin, the guitar, and more! I would love to be one of the blessed ones who can express themselves through music all the time. I know people like this. I'm related to people like this.

This is the talent I would love to instantly have, and I would love to be able to use that magical talent as a catalyst for good.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Summer Blog Challenge Post #7: Movie I Want to Live In

If you know what movie this is...well, you win!

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Summer Blog Challenge Post #6: Favorite Smells


Homemade bread


Freshly bathed baby

Polo Black on my handsome hubby

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Summer Blog Challenge Post #5: If I Could Change the World...

If I could change the world...

Candy would be a food group. The sun wouldn't burn. And power hungry people wouldn't exist.

If I could change the world...

People would listen to one another with an open mind and heart. Violence wouldn't beget violence. People would try to help one another.

If I could change the world...

My worry for my children would only be that they outgrow their fear of monsters under the bed, and I would not have to worry about them meeting monsters in the street.

If I could change the world...

Women would know how powerful and beautiful they are! Men would know how important and essential they are in their children's lives! People would understand that we NEED one another. Men and women working together to create a beautiful world.

If I could change the world...

Babies would always be safe and loved. Children would be able to run and explore without fences. Our teenagers would learn the value of work mixed with play.

If I could change the world...

We would once again be "One Nation Under God Indivisible with Liberty and Justice for All".