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Monday, December 26, 2011

Thoughts about our 2011

Generally this time of year I would do an elaborate post about how our year shaped up complete with pictures and fantastic commentaries on the wonderfulness of our life, especially now that we are back in Colorado. However, I kind of don't have the desire or energy for any of that this year. The last few months have been exhausting with no end really in sight.
So, here are some things I have learned this year. Before I start, let me preface this with the statement that we are all fine. Nick and I are fine. Quincy is fine. We are just experiencing one of those trials that you never think you are going to experience. Nick is back in Texas for a while. He is there taking care of some things he needed to take care of long ago. Unfortunately, we cannot be with him for the time being, so Quincy and I are trucking along in CO. I am looking for a job as Nick lost his. We are working hard to keep our family together and to make life as normal for our baby girl as possible.
Sometimes I wonder if moving home was the right decision for us, but then again, I know it was okay. Q and I are close to family, and we are blessed to be in a wonderful ward with people who support us as well. Life right now is probably harder than it ever has been before, and yet, I am unafraid. I know that we are being attended by angels everywhere we go. I know that Nick is doing the right thing. I know that we are going to make it through all this, one long day at a time. I know that my strength, my patience, my ability to cope are all being tested right now. I am thankful that Quincy is so young. She is aware that things are different, but she is still our happy little girl. She is growing so fast, and I thank my Father in Heaven every day that I have such an amazing daughter. She is my everything.
I probably just made myself sound like an amazing martyr, which I am not. I struggle. I cry just about everyday and at the smallest things. I worry. I don't sleep some nights. I complain. I question. I say and do all the wrong things. I am far from perfect, and I am not going to pretend that I am even close to perfect. I love my husband. He is not a perfect person either, and I love him because of that.
I know that one day we will look back on this time, and it will be but a brief moment. This hardship is one that we will conquer. It will pass, and we will rebuild. Isn't that what people do? Fall and rebuild. Try and fail until you meet success. If you know me at all, you know that I refuse to give up. I will work hard to build the life I know my family deserves. I will protect my family. Somehow I will learn to ask for help. Somehow I will learn to be more patient. Somehow I will come through a better, stronger wife, mother and overall person.