Break Down

So, I really did break down yesterday. Nick's dad called and asked if it was okay for him to come visit in three weeks. We were under the impression that my parents might be here during that time, so I sent both parents a text message asking what dates exactly they would be here. The answer, they can't come early November like they wanted. I don't think even I realized how much I was holding on to the idea that they were going to come visit until they weren't coming anymore. I lost it. I sobbed. I snotted all over myself. I ended up arguing with my sister who didn't seem to understand that all I needed was someone to cry to.

I can't seem to focus on anything except for how much I don't like it here. There are all kinds of factors that contribute to that. Subbing totally stinks. I hate feeling so insignificant. I have made a few friends here and there, but it is so different. Leaving those people who have been my BEST friends and family for so long has been really hard. I have no confidence. I say things wrong all the time. I am not comfortable in my own skin. I don't even feel like I am being myself around my darling husband--the one person I have been able to be just me around since I met him.

This place is not my home, and I really do want to make it better. I just don't know how to do that. How does a person do that? I don't know how, but I know that there are people out there who are really good at it. Help me!