I suppose I should warn you, today is an emotional day. It did take me a whole week to get to the point where I feel as if I could cry, and cry, and cry all day if I let myself. For all of you who are suddenly worried that I have post-partum depression, let me just remind you that the over-emotional state is very normal for a mom right now. I know that I have extra on my plate, and I promise that I am keeping tabs on me too. I don't want to plunge into the depths of despair. I will say something if, in fact, this mood and these emotions carry on for too long. That being said...
Miss Tessa is a week old today! We have only been home since Friday, and it is soon to say, but so far, my baby has been a pretty mellow little thing. We are working vigorously to put weight back on her as she dropped 10% of her body weight while we were in the hospital. She does, however, eat like a champ and sleeps great! Even at night, we are only up twice for feedings. I will attribute some of this to the
Miracle Blanket that we received as a gift when we had Q (it seriously saved our sanity and our lives), but really, she is just a great baby! And so pretty! I can hardly believe that my beauties are mine!
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| My friend, Ruth, was here visiting today from Texas. We can't believe T is here and a week old already! |
I am so blessed to have my mom and Kelli here. They are doing and have done so much. I wish I could say that having people here makes me miss Nick less, but today I am missing him more than ever. I am having a day when other couples just make me angry. Their happiness and togetherness makes me want to scream. Life isn't fair, and today, my life really isn't fair. I have made my choices, and I live the consequences of those choices daily. It just is hard to also live with the consequences of other people's choices. That right there is what makes marriage so hard. Living with the consequences of another's choice. I do it, though, not because I am Wonder Woman; not because I should be anyone's example; not because I am wife of the year, but because I believe that some things are worth fighting for. Some things are worth sacrificing for...and my family, my husband, my children are worth every tear, every bad day, every hard thing I have to do that I just don't wanna! And, guys, today, I just don't wanna!
All right. I have complained enough. Believe it or not, I am trying to not complain. I want to stay optimistic, upbeat, and positive. I am very lucky and very blessed in so many ways. I can also say that I don't think it is okay to always be that way when sometimes I just don't feel so great. Maybe I don't have to share so openly and public, but for some reason I feel compelled...maybe someone else needs to be okay with feeling yucky. Because it is okay. Feel yucky. Let it out. Talk it through. Find a friend with broad shoulders to cry on. Say a prayer. Take a deep breath, and the smiles will come back. I still smile every day. I laugh. I sure as hell love, and I know that somehow, someway, we will all be okay.
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