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Friday, May 30, 2008

What to believe?

There are so many people who have theories as to why this is happening. He is stressed, he is scared, he is confused, he is an idiot. I am tired of theories. I just want some truth. I need to know how he is feeling, and what is bothering him, why he is able to live a normal existence while I suffer, and why he can't talk to me about it. I only hope that he has a friend that he can talk to. Everyone needs a friend to be non-judgemental and tell you like it is. I don't know if he has anyone like that. I am lucky to have a lot of people like that, people who will tell me like it is whether I want them to or not.
Okay, really it is not like that. I am actually grateful that I have all the people I do. I just wish there was another way to tell them all the story once and have all the bitching and complaining and advice giving done with. Why am I the one who needs the advice anyway? Where is his advice? Oh, wait! I am getting that too!!!!!
I hate that this is all I have to consume me right now, and no amount of drinking or crying or baby-holding is going to change that. I pierced my nose today, and all I could think about was him--through the pain! Either I am too passionate or really pathetic. Let's go for too passionate.

2 comments:

Mitch Mahan said...

Everyone has told me that time heals, but it will never come fast enough.

I woke up one morning about 2 months ago and realized that I had hit my lowest point ever. The only good part about that was I knew then that anything else would never hurt as bad as that. I still hurt, but the pain will never be equal to what I felt that morning. I pray you hit that point soon and start to climb out of the pit.

Love you kid.

Mitch

Jen Sadler said...

It feels silly to think that we can compare what is happening right now to the nightmare you went through. Perhaps my whining should lessen just a little. Thanks for being so supportive though. :)