Some days are better than others

You know, it is amazing to me how I let how he is feeling today control how I am feeling today. When did I hit the point to where I am not my own person anymore? I do get better and stronger every day, but there are still those days when he is struggling with the things happening in his life that I struggle with us. I know that this happens because when he is so overwhelmed by work and all the other BS happening in his life, that is when I matter least.
I like to think that if I was there, this would be different. That is we had stuck to the plan, I would be there to help him through, and I would be fine. In reality, I know that he doesn't want me there because he doesn't want me to try and help him deal. He feels as if his burden is his own to bear. This is something that I can completely understand. Perhaps this is where the oldest child thing we have in common comes in to play. I can't handle letting people down, and I know he feels the same way.
However, today and yesterday have been better than the few days before and those days were better than the days before as well. I sometimes feel a little sad that my heart is healing like it is. That I am handling this, not better than expected, but different than expected. Perhaps I am growing from this life experience more than I thought I would. I only pray that I am not the only one experiencing that change.