Why do we say this to one another when it is not how we are atually feeling. I was told yesterday that I love him more than he loves me and that worries him because he doesn't feel as if he deserves love from me at all. I know...to the outside observer, he does not. I have heard it over and over and over again. He doesn't deserve me...not that any other person can make that decision--not even him. Guess what, people?! The man that I know and love does, in fact, deserve this fantastic girl. The man who he is being right now, does not.
Here we are AGAIN! In this place where I am questioning if it is worth it to stick around? That has been happening a lot these past few days. The conclusion is always the same. I am not going anywhere. I am here for the duration...of what? I am not really sure, but TA-DA! Here I am!
I have spent the past few days in the company of my best friend, her husband, and her sons. They are this picture of what I totally expect marriage to be. Not perfect. Not always clean. Not always happy. It is challenging and messy and exciting and boring and crazy and fun...all in the same day. Where, oh where, have I gone wrong in thinking that I could have had this? Maybe I can't.
In keeping with the craziness that is my life: I also interviewed for a job in Texas. Why? Well, I need a job and they called. I am putting a lot of faith in the idea that this will work out like it should, and I will end up where I should--with or without him.
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