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Friday, May 23, 2008

Advice

Why is it that when you are down, everyone thinks that they need to fix you? I have received more random--sometimes good, sometimes stupid--advice from EVERYONE! Really, people?! I know that you all love me. I know that you all want what is best for me. I know that you all believe that my judgement is clouded because I am hurting. Maybe it is, but how can you really tell me what to do when you have no inside look as to what I am feeling and thinking?
Honestly, I have the best support system any person could ask for. My family is amazing! I can talk and cry to my sisters and they cry right along with me. I have awesome colleagues that will be here for me even when I am not here anymore. I have friends who never want to see me left alone, and since I am staying with my aunt and uncle temporarily, I have their support at home.
However, they cannot stop this from being a terrible day, and it already is. My last day at the job I love and gave up to move to Texas. My last day with anything to keep me occupied at all. Now I will have hours upon hours to dwell on what should be and is not. Hours and hours to not get out of bed. Hours and hours to cry. I expected to have hours and hours to get packed; hours and hours to say good-bye to friends; hours and hours to spend with my parents picking up my dog.
You know, I should be able to say this to him. I should be able to tell him what I am feeling, but he is so wrapped up in what he is feeling and what he wants that I am thinking that I mean nothing to him today. Nothing at all! That is something I don't deserve, and something I should not have to put up with. So...why am I?

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