These were the best of times; these were the worst of times

Best of times:
1. Tessa--a healthy baby; made it to term; she's so beautiful and so mellow.
2. Summer of Aunt Kelli--having my sister here all summer to keep me company and help with Q and T made a huge difference.
3. P/T work--which hasn't started yet, but I still do have a job that will allow me to work from home.
4. Mom/Grandma--having my mom here for what worked out to be about a month (total for the summer) was a huge blessing.
5. Nick's family--who love my girls and keep us afloat
6. June "Powderhorn"--a weekend with the whole family. Usually this takes place over Labor Day Weekend, but with the babies all coming around this time, we moved the outing to June. It was amazing to have everyone in Denver for the weekend.

Worst of times:
Let me just say this: we have spent this year so far on the biggest roller coaster. Nick is still not home. (December, maybe.) I am tired, and the ride isn't even close to being over. I am frustrated. I am grumpy. I know this, and I know that I am taking this out on the people who are trying to help. I don't accept help well. I don't know how to let people help me with this. I know that others would deal with the challenges that face me very differently, but I only know how to fight through. I know that I need to try and keep this family together. I know that it is really hard. I know that I am stuck in crappy circumstances that I don't know how to control--that I can't control. I am in a place where I am being forced to let people help me, and I feel as if I am being judged at the same time that people are helping...not because I am for real, I just feel that way. My issue...no one else's. I know that everyone believes that I am SO strong...spend a day in my head. Spend an hour there and you might think differently. We do what we have to do to survive. I am doing my best to survive. So, if I look worn out. I am. If I look frustrated. I am. If I am short with you. I'm sorry. I am doing my best.