The Future

Is it bleak or filled with possibilities? This is something that I have questioned over and over again! As we talk about how we are going to manage moving and life and all the money issues and things we find ourselves faced with, I begin to panic a little. I was too young to really be affected my a bad economy before, and I am amazed at how it really does affect every aspect of my life. I worry about every cent. I am worried about traveling to a wedding in Las Vegas. I am worried about Nick spending money on my ring right now. I am worried that getting married is going to be something that is just too expensive for us to do right now and maybe we should wait until things are better. Everything I do--driving, going to lunch, the store, the gym--makes me question whether or not I should really be doing it. Will it take too much gas? Can I make it to the end of the month? Can I save any money right now? When will this all end?

For the first time yesterday I panicked a little at the mention of people possibly losing their jobs at the plant. This doesn't hurt my job, but it could hurt Nick's. Although I am almost sure that his job is relatively safe, I still worry. What would we do? I hate that things are so uncertain in the world right now that the job that was thriving even six months ago is hurting so much right now. I am also amazed that his livlihood--while not something I physically depend on--is something that I depend on. I only hope that he feels the same way.

Being Sick

Sometimes I wonder how it is possible for relationships to survive when one person is sick. I have been sick for a few days, and I am pretty sure that Nick is the most patient person on the planet. He has let me whine, cry, vent, and grump. He has put up with my bad mood, my anger, my tiredness, and my hostility. He laughs at me a little when I am being ridiculous, and does his best to make me laugh when I am down. If he can put up with all of this right now, he is so meant to be with me forever. I think he has seen sides of me that no one else--other than family--really has. He has been a rock for me to rest on this week while I vented about my students and cried over our situation.

Being sick has not left me much room for patience, and what little I do have is wasted on my kids during the day. I apologize to him over and over for being such a pain, and he just laughs and tells me that I am fine. He is a good guy, and I am lucky to have him!

Dreaming

I am dreaming big time today about the future. It is pretty exciting and all kinds of fun to look for jobs and houses and to think about all the craziness that will happen between now and moving time. I am looking forward to trips to TX, and Vegas, and lots of things to do in between times. There is so much to think about! Dreaming is what gets me through the day.

This weekend is my birthday, and I am dreaming about not having to spend any of those apart from Nick as well. We were together for his in November, but we are going to have to celebrate mine at the end of the month when I see him next. He is sad, I am sad, but there really is nothing that can be done. He will be there with me in spirit. That is the most important thing.