It Has Been So Long...

And I wish I had more to say! We have been super busy in the business of growing/playing/learning around this joint! So, let me offer a brief update on each family member.

Nick: Happy. Home. New job--again, but this one is a keeper. He is so busy, and while I hear every single day that he doesn't have enough hours in the day--he loves what he is doing, and he is back in a place where they recognize his potential and love him. I am SO glad. Life is much better when he leaves daily to head to a job he enjoys that keeps him challenged.

Jen: LuLaRoe is busy. The kids are super busy. The house is chaos--but manageable. So, you could say that everything is peachy-keen, jelly-bean. I am headed to a fun pop-up this evening, and I really need to load my car, so I am blogging instead. Don't worry. I still have time.

Quincy: Kindergarten life is the best life. She LOVES school. Her teacher. Her classroom. Her friends. She is learning so much, and I love to hear all about school every day. And, I get an earful every single day. She is growing leaps and bounds, and I have to say that as much as I love this stage, the sassy glimpse I get into her teenage years is a bit frightening. Sigh. She's mine.

Tessa: Tessa really just wonders why she can only go to preschool for 1/2 a day four times a week. She loves it, and now that Quincy is gone a full day five days a week, she sees no need to be wasting time at home. Seriously. She starts to ask me at 8:15 if it is time for preschool yet (11:45 is start time) and doesn't stop until we are grabbing her back pack. Her teacher is wonderful, and she is a friend and a preschool leader this year. She has great friends, and her favorite part of preschool is bringing something to share. Which she can do everyday.

Beau: Finally weaned at almost 16 months. Finally walked at 16 months. Still spends most nights in our bed. He loves to talk, and while his main form of communication is still pointing and grunting (he is a total caveman), he says, thank-you, bye-bye, momma, dad, and trash. He will sign please and all done. He makes a few animal sounds--but eventually every animal just sounds like a dog.

Summer Blog Challenge #8: A Skill or Talent I Wish I Instantly Had

Okay. Really. There are SO MANY talents I wish I instantly had. Like being able to automatically command a room or always being able to say the right thing or being approachable. I see these as being talents, but really the talent I wish I had more than anything in the world is the talent and gift of music...

Yes, I am fairly musical. I can carry a tune and minimally play the piano and the clarinet. I understand that this is more than many have been blessed with, and I am grateful. I love music. I love to sing. I love to dance with my children. I love to plink out a song on the piano. I love it.

However, I wish I could instantly sit down and play any song on the piano. I wish I could compose. I wish I could write killer lyrics. I wish I could play many instruments. I wish I could play the piano, the violin, the guitar, and more! I would love to be one of the blessed ones who can express themselves through music all the time. I know people like this. I'm related to people like this.

This is the talent I would love to instantly have, and I would love to be able to use that magical talent as a catalyst for good.

Summer Blog Challenge Post #7: Movie I Want to Live In

If you know what movie this is...well, you win!

Summer Blog Challenge Post #6: Favorite Smells

Hmmmm...

Homemade bread

Rain

Freshly bathed baby

Polo Black on my handsome hubby

Summer Blog Challenge Post #5: If I Could Change the World...

If I could change the world...

Candy would be a food group. The sun wouldn't burn. And power hungry people wouldn't exist.

If I could change the world...

People would listen to one another with an open mind and heart. Violence wouldn't beget violence. People would try to help one another.

If I could change the world...

My worry for my children would only be that they outgrow their fear of monsters under the bed, and I would not have to worry about them meeting monsters in the street.

If I could change the world...

Women would know how powerful and beautiful they are! Men would know how important and essential they are in their children's lives! People would understand that we NEED one another. Men and women working together to create a beautiful world.

If I could change the world...

Babies would always be safe and loved. Children would be able to run and explore without fences. Our teenagers would learn the value of work mixed with play.

If I could change the world...

We would once again be "One Nation Under God Indivisible with Liberty and Justice for All".

Summer Blog Challenge Post #4: My Dream Home

I dream about homes a lot. I look at everything that is surrounding us in hopes that we can someday soon actually purchase a home. We got a little sidetracked from the home dream, and, as I think I have mentioned before, dreaming about anything has been really hard for me. So, I look at the houses for sale in our current area on a regular basis, and I dream about the day we can become home owners. (It still feels really far away.)

However, my dream home is really less about what my house looks like and more about what it FEELS like. I want to have a home filled with well-worn books, warm colors, delicious smells, laughter, lots of songs. I want a home where everyone who enters feels welcome. A home where people feel like family--whether they are related or not. I want a home with a piano that someone is often playing. A home where the kitchen in always buzzing. A place to open the cupboards and find plenty. A place where we never want for love and affection and safety.

My dream home is a landing pad for friends and family. A place to hide away from troubles for a few hours and re-energize. I want a home that feels like a hug.

Look, I know I have a long way to go to create this kind of sanctuary. I know that this home is a constant work in progress. But, my home is filled with love. My home is filled with laughter and little kids playing, and imagination! My home is filled with a family I have worked hard to build. A family I fought for for a long time. Now, as I am fighting to regain my sense of self and to better appreciate my own self-worth, my home is a place for me to fall apart a little in order to rebuild. My home is my dream home with all my dream people present and accounted for.

Post #3: All the Places I've Lived--and My Favorite So Far

Hmmm...this really isn't going to be a super long or interesting post, I think. I've lived in so few places, SO let me tell you a little bit about them all.

Grand Junction, CO

I was born here. My parents met at Fruita Monument High School, and I spent the majority of my first four years of life in this area. My grandparents were and are here. My baby sister lives there now. We still visit family, and as I have grown older, I can appreciate the beauty and tranquility that this place offers. It would be an okay place to raise a family. My favorite things about Grand Junction are the people I love who live there.

Vernal, UT

We lived here for a short time when I was very little, and I don't remember it much. I think we lived in a trailer--that in my head was in the middle of nowhere. I could be wrong. But any memories I have of this time in my life are pretty fuzzy and broken up or mushed together with other early memories. The person who would later become my best friend was born while we lived here--yeah, a sister. And I remember Adam becoming more and more of a friend and playmate while we lived here. Since he was my other half growing up, this is probably where that started.

Broomfield, CO

I live here now, but let's talk about what it was like to grow up here. I don't think as a kid I realized how lucky we were to be here. Broomfield was a great place to grow up. The recreation programs. The schools. Our ward (church) and the friends I made as a result. We were truly blessed to be in this town so close to both mountains and city. My dad likes to pretend that this didn't really happen--but I'm never sure why because if you have to struggle through raising kids and running into financial difficulties, you will never be more supported and taken care of than by the people here.

Greeley, CO

Let's see...it smells. I experienced a rough break-up here. I failed a class for the first time. I made friends--only one I still talk to on a regular basis (and she came into my life AFTER I had already left). Poor Greeley. You were never my favorite.

Thornton, CO

This is obviously not a far stretch from home. I lived here in my own apartment for the first time. I was close to home, close to work, AND Thornton brought the friend back into my life who would introduce me to my husband. Good job, Thornton.

Fort Worth, TX

Heaven help me. Is it possible for a place to hold such dark and light memories for me? I never really felt like I was home in Texas. I met a lot of amazing people. I have wonderful friends in my life because of Texas, but not a single one of them ever got the best version of me. I was so LOST in that place. Homesick and sad. Happy but overly cautious. Look, friends. I am a super cool person. Flawed--as we all are--BUT while I was in TX, NO ONE got to see that girl. Including the poor soul who married me and moved there to be with him. And it isn't Fort Worth's fault. It is totally mine. I don't think I knew how to give TX a chance. I never felt adequate enough to jump into the life Nick already had established. Sadly, I felt horribly judged by that life. The life we began to build together was fine. We had a cute house and made fun friends at church, BUT...there is always a but. I am both grateful that Texas happened and glad I never have to live there again. (Heaven help me, I hope not, anyway.)

Broomfield, CO

We are back here. And, you guys, this is seriously my favorite place to live. I LOVE our little house in our little neighborhood. It is old and quirky and cramped and crowded and COMPLETELY FILLED WITH LOVE. I feel so at home and at peace in this place. I love the big trees. I love the parks. I love all the things to do. I love being outside in our yard in the DRY air. I love looking up and seeing the mountains. I love the snow. I love the sunshine. I love the drive to Denver and the fact that my children are already in love with our beautiful city. I love family walks and dreaming of the future here with Nick. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being here and raising my kids here and allowing my family to come visit their roots and watching Nick and Adam and Kara play softball and the Bay and the trails and the absolute beauty that is Broomfield Colorado. This is my happy place.

Okay, so I lied. It was long. You decide how interesting it is.

Post #2 Favorite Time Wasters

I'm not really going to be obvious here...cellphone, games, TV, etc are all obvious time wasters. However, my very favorite time wasters are my kids. Like really...I need to do laundry or clean the kitchen? How about we read 27 books and color instead. Need to send some emails and ship some inventory? Let's watch Frozen for the 100 millionth time! They are my favorite way to "waste" time, but it really isn't a waste, is it? Naw!

Summer Blog Challenge 2016: Someone I Admire

Where does your mind wander when asked who you admire? Straight to a celebrity who stands for what you believe? Your parents? A teacher? Oprah...because, well...Oprah!

No, I'm not going to write about Oprah. But I do love her. 

Today I am going to write about this girl:

The one on the right. Not me. I'm not writing a blog about how awesome I am. Although I should. Because I am. 

Anyway...this here girl--her name is Holly--is someone whom I admire greatly. She's kind of one of the most cool, most gorgeous, most smart, most faithful, most patient people I know. In fact, someday I hope I am just like her. Kind, Generous. Positive. Crazy smart. 

Yes, she is my younger sister. By a bit (you guys, I'm getting old here). But in many, many ways she is much older--read this as wiser--than me. Her understanding of things both spiritual and temporal far surpasses my own. 

If you are lucky enough to know her, you know just what I am trying to convey. But I am sure I have not done her justice here. 

A Conversation with Q (5) and T (3)

On the way home from meeting Daddy for lunch, Quincy, Tessa and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Mom: Look, girls! There is the place where the Broncos play. Do you see the Bronco on the side of the building?

Q: The Broncos play right there? Tessa, do you see it?

T: Yeah, Quincy! I see the sign.

Q: Wait a minute, Mom! Are we in Denver?

Mom: We are! We are driving on the highway through Denver right now.

Q: Tessa! We are in Denver!

T: I know, Quincy!

Q: But Momma, I am a little sad about something.

Mom: You are? What is that, baby girl?

Q: Peyton Manning, Mom. He doesn't play for the Broncos anymore.

Mom: You are right. He doesn't.

T: Yeah, Mom. Peyton Manning is tired, so he doesn't play anymore.

Mom: He probably is tired. You girls are right.

Q: But Momma! I never got to see him.

Mom: I think we will still see him, honey. He'll still do commercials and be on TV and stuff.

Q: No, Mom. I mean, I want to MEET him. Now I'll never get to meet him.

Mom: Oh, sweetie! Maybe not, but we can always send him a letter if you want.

Q: Okay, Mom.

I had to write this down. It was such an animated, fun conversation with my girls today. I SO love that these girls love this place (and our Broncos) as much as I do!

http://www.monigle.com/images/casestudies/saf-bg-1a.jpg

Anxiety, my new/old friend

I will admit that I have become a BuzzFeed junkie. I love the random posts, the sarcasm, the snarky comments, the entertaining (sometimes inappropriate) videos. I love it. There are posts that I avoid, however. The majority of which are depression or anxiety related. Why? Well, this girl is having some kind of strange love affair with anxiety. Thankfully, it is manageable on my own currently, but I find this anxious time in my life rather...interesting? eye-opening? challenging? maddening? frustrating?

Let's cover a few things:

1. Several years ago there was a student in my class that I NEVER met. She was enrolled in my class for an entire semester, and her mother came to school twice to try and pick up work for her, but she never came to school because she was battling severe anxiety. I remember feeling bad for her and also frustrated because I just did not understand how anyone could actually feel SO anxious about LIFE that they never wanted to leave their home. Silly me. Granted, I am never so anxious that I don't want to leave my home, but I do have to talk myself into it sometimes. I have to make plans with people so I am fully committed. And then sometimes I DREAD those plans for DAYS until I leave for planned event and have a wonderful time. Always. I always go and have a wonderful time.

2. I love sleep. I love it. I look forward to the time when I can take a nap every day. Really. And yet, sleep and I are not the very best of friends every day. Granted, I have a ten month old who seems to dislike sleep, but it is more than that. I find myself awake often trying to figure out solutions to problems that NO LONGER EXIST in my life. You know, like what should I have done differently this one time OR what should I have said in this situation. Should I have stuck up for myself more here? How would I handle this today? Total waste of time, and yet I cannot seem to turn it off on some nights.

3. Remember when your friends were everything? They were your family and support system and the people you spoke to every single day. Remember how life happens and family happens and all of that is good and wonderful? And then, somehow you don't talk to these people as often and you worry that you have no friends. And then you want to reach out to them, and sometimes you do, and other times you cannot find the words to even say, "Hey, how are things?" even though it is as simple as that? But when you do, you find that they still love you. Because--well, in most cases anyway--THEY STILL LOVE YOU.

4. Then there is this online life we seem to have to live where everything is perfect and pictures are flawless. There was a time when I had just had a baby and my life was not perfect and wonderful, and I apparently shared that too much because my husband got complaints from people who thought I should be happy because I had just had a baby and that obviously should be the sunshine in every person's day--and IT IS--but it is also hard and I was alone--A LOT--and things were not perfect. Not that I am always sunshine and roses in my online life, BUT this is the first time since then that I have DARED to post anything negative for public eye on purpose. And I am actually fearing for the backlash that this will bring, and I may not even tell anyone that this post is here. I might just let people find it on their own because writing down things about my anxiety in order to get them out and off my chest is one thing--sharing is totally another. And yet, I feel as if maybe someone else needs to know that anxiety is real and okay and others deal with it too.  

5. There are crazy things that led to my anxiety. I know what they are, and we are working hard to change those things and learn how to cope with that process. These are the big reasons. There are often little things that trigger my anxious feelings. See, I don't spend every moment of every day with anxiety. I spend a few hours here and there really feeling anxious. Today, that thing is this: I have to go in for an echocardiogram tomorrow. At an appointment a few weeks ago the doctor heard what he thought was enough of a murmur to send me in to get it looked at. You guys. I KNOW this is probably not a big deal. I KNOW THIS. But I cannot help but think about all the heart surgeries that have been done on all the people I am related to. I cannot help but think about the surgery that Gram had before she died. I cannot help but think about the episodes and attacks and the medicine cabinets full of medicine that these people had/have to deal with. I cannot help but think of the extra weight I carry and the high blood pressure when I am pregnant. I cannot help but think of all the times I have heard that my _______ was my age when they started having _______ issue or _______ medicine. And I am terrified.

Just Another Day

Well, it is February 17th. Do you know what this means? It means that it is past the date of February 11, 2016. And, you know what? We made it. We survived.

Nick arrived home from work on the 11th, and I greeted him with a "Congratulations! Probation is over." And that was it. That was all. There was no fanfare. No ticker-tape parade. There were no balloons or fireworks. I don't know why I expected it would somehow be an epic day, but it was just another day.

Although...

Something did change on that day. I can, for the first time in four and a half years, look forward to our future. You see, right up until this day, you would have had a hard time convincing me that February 11, 2016 would even actually happen. My brain was hardwired to believe that that day would NEVER come. No seriously. February 10th was the end of time as far as my head was concerned.

I know this seems silly. In the last four and a half years, life has marched on. We have two more babies. I drive a minivan (this still leaves me reeling from the shock). I started a business. Nick has held several jobs, and he just started a new one that he already LOVES! I have rearranged my house three times. The girls are sleeping in bunk beds. They are both in preschool. LIFE has certainly not stopped. But, my brain seemed to.

In fact, now that we are past that date, I am relearning how to dream. Like really dream. All of a sudden there are possibilities for our future. And, YOU GUYS! It is really STRANGE. Really, really strange. Sometimes I feel as if I have to stop myself. Because the pause button has been pushed on dreaming for a long, long time. Is it crazy that I am scared a little?

Good scared.

But scared.

Another day, when I can wrap my head around it, I will have to write about all the wisdom (HA!) I have for you. I have learned many things over the last few years. I just can't think of them right now.

Until then, let's celebrate. Who wants to? I think we need to have a party. To celebrate the future and all the possibilities for a wonderful life.