He says that I am not going to lose him, and there is a large part of me that honestly believes that. Then there is that small part of me that is completely terrified that when he is feeling fine again, he will think that he doesn't need me.
Holly (and a few others) have asked me what it is that he has given up for me when I have obviously sacrificed so much for him. I wonder the same thing sometimes. I guess it is unfair to say that...he never really asked me to give up a lot. I just naturally did. That is partially my own fault. I am where I am because I have made the choice to be here. I am well aware of that fact.
How many times did someone say to me, "Go to Texas anyway?" PLENTY. How many times did I chicken out because I can't do it without him? TOO MANY. At this point, I know that there is nothing that I cannot do on my own. I know, I know...I was supposed to be such an independant girl. I would say that I am, but I bet that there are those who would laugh at me right now. The thing is, I can live my life and make decisions without him and his input. We were just in a place where we had started talking to each other about EVERYTHING! We were figuring things out together and making decisions together. Big decisions. He was my sounding board--he still is my sounding board. That is how it should be, and I just hope and pray that it stays that way.
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