Thankful November Day 2

Well, kids...since today is his birthday, let's focus on how thankful I am for this handsome guy! I am so glad he came into my life and so glad he gave me the two most beautiful daughters. Nick works hard every day to do right by his family. I am so thankful for the commitment he has made to me and to his daughters to live a healthy, happy, sober life. We are blessed to have him back with us! He is a light in his daughter's lives and brings joy to this household. Love you, babe!

Thankful November and Day 1

I love Thanksgiving! Love it! It truly is the perfect holiday to lead us into the Christmas season. I relish the opportunity to express my especial thanks for the things I have been blessed with in my life. For the past few years I have participated with so many others in expressing one thing that I am thankful for each day during November via Facebook. This year, I decided that I would pay a little more attention to those things and pay them a small tribute each day here on my blog. While I plan to cover all the wonderful big things, I have been working hard this past year to try and recognize and appreciate the small blessings in my life or just my day sometimes. This has helped me to be more positive through my trials (I'm not saying it always works), and so you will have to forgive me if some days my thanks is for one of those tiny blessings we don't normally think about.

Today I will start with a bigger one though.

November 1st: Today I would like to express my thanks for a special lady in my life. My sister-in-law, Kara.

Kara has been around and then a part of this family for quite some time now! I do believe she started dating my brother almost 14 years ago. (Am I right?) The poor girl started dating the boy with five sisters--all fiercely protective and loyal to that brother. His older sister (yeah, me) in particular. The road was never easy, but she/me/we all grew up and into a more wonderful family because she a part of it. I am jealous of her wickedly creative mind and her ability to create and/or duplicate the most beautiful things! I think that every time she says, "Oh, I can do that!" my brother rolls his eyes, but then she just DOES whatever new project/home improvement/design/craft she set out to do.

Kara is the best aunt! She takes care of my girls as if they are her own, and Q and T love her! She has come to my rescue a time or two when I needed help with these handfuls of mine, and I will never be able to thank her enough. She is also the most wonderful mom and a really great wife to my brother.

I love you, Kara! Thanks for sticking around and thanks for being such a wonderful sister to me.

Warrior Woman

My heart has been utterly overwhelmed today. I am restless and anxious as we head into a busy week without the answers to some pretty big questions that will greatly impact the tone and direction (literally) of my small family for the next 14 or so months. All jokes aside, working with government agencies is the most hard, most draining, most frustrating thing I have ever done in my life.

That aside, I have been reading this series of books lately that centers around a tight knit community. Like all tight knit communities, this one revolves around one person who keeps them all grounded. She holds everyone together with her open heart, her easily given love, and her warrior spirit that protects and defends so passionately. In the current book I am on, this character has met a foe she cannot defeat. It is one she does not entirely understand, and because of that, she fears--like anyone else does--she fears her unknown. Her five children do not fear. They see and understand this new addition to this community for the strong, interesting, different person that she is. Because sometimes our children are smarter than we are.

I find myself feeling empathy for and anger at this warrior woman. Probably because I, like many others, have stood in her shoes and where her children are standing as well. Mostly, though, I want to focus on the part of me that feels empathy. Not because I need to spew about things that I don't understand, but because I am so drawn to this character's need and drive to protect. I would blame the momma in me for sharing this trait, but the reality is, I have always been this way.

Right now, I feel a terrible and great need to protect those in my life who cannot protect themselves, partly because they cannot see the enemy, and partly because they are one and two. The real fear that lives in me is that I cannot protect them from what I fear may lie ahead--even if I saw it coming. It is keeping me up. For hours. I know that I will not always be able to protect my children from the hurt and evils of this world. I am praying that MY fear of what could POSSIBLY be in the cards for our future is wrong. Very wrong. It's just that I haven't been wrong yet. And I'm not even proud of that.

I just hope that when PHASE 2 of what has been a very long two years ends next weekend, that Nick will be able to come home to a home where the girls and I reside--and not a home where the girls and I don't. They need their dad, and I need to feel safe again. My heart has been walking around outside my body for too long. It is killing me, and I need it to stop.

Color Me Rad--My First 5K

In July, my sister, Holly, and I decided that we should run a 5K together in September. She works for a company that provides products for various races and events and companies, and she knew that there was a Color Me Rad race close to her around the end of September. This was perfect timing for my girlies and me to pack up and drive a state over to visit--as another sister who also lives in the vicinity was due to have a baby at that time.

So, I downloaded the Couch to 5K (C25K) app that is available for your smart phone, and I told myself we would make a runner out of me yet! Holly and I (and then our sis-in-law, Kara) would text one another after completing a run in order to stay motivated and be held accountable.

Here is the thing. Running stinks! It is awful. It hurts. It makes me want to die or at least hide under my bed for a few hours in the fetal position after doing it. Not kidding. Blech! But, I had committed, so I figured it was time to put on my big girl pants and POWER THROUGH!

I did. I ran at the gym, on the treadmill, almost every other day for eight weeks. I actually didn't complete the entire training app before our race, and I think that I am going to start over and work on my speed a little while trying to make it through again.

Race weekend came closer and closer, and even as Holly and I were pulling into the parking lot across the street from the start/finish line, I was thinking I was crazy.

No. We didn't run the whole way. First, running outside is WAY harder than running on a treadmill watching New Girl to distract me. Second, it was fairly chilly when we started, and did you know that running in the cold shrivels your lungs into hard packed snowballs and you actually feel as if you are trying to cough up a hairball--a cold, dry, prickly hairball? Third, WHO PLANS A RACE UPHILL?!

So we walked some and jogged some and because it is the Color Me Rad race and really just for fun, we had just that. Fun! Despite my disdain for the sport of running, I am learning some things. Like focus. Perseverance. And, I am making up all kinds of fun and interesting curse words in my head to fight through the torture and pain! Bring on the next one!

To potty train or not to potty train...

Yeah, it is probably over due time that I potty train Quincy. I mean, she is perfectly capable, but admittedly, I have been unable to bring myself to start. I was trying to wait and take my cues from her, but...she's really indifferent to the whole thing. So, I decided to go ahead and take the plunge whether I am ready for this or not. My wonderful mother said I should be philosophical about it. I said, "Oh! A new blog topic." I don't think she was amused, so I will do my best to be philosophical and possibly even funny about it. I need to find the humor in it because a half day and five pairs of panties later...I need to find some humor.

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Can we pretend that the one time she went potty in the potty she was excited? She wasn't. She looked at me like, "WHAT WAS THAT?!", shuttered and asked if she could play yet.

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Her first accident this morning, she looked at the puddle, then at me, said "Gross" and ran off to play. Notice a theme yet?

Oh, Q. I will apologize now for giving you a reason to see a therapist (my mom BLOGGED about my potty training!), but I assure you, kiddo, the hilarity that is about to ensue will be because we are about to see how truly terrible I am at this. I will probably apologize several times in your life for you having to be the kid I experiment everything on. Thank goodness you are such a good kid with an amazing ability to bounce back from my never-ending mistakes. So, kid. It's you and me and the potty. We got this.

Jennifer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

With thanks and compliments to Judith Viorst who wrote Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

I went to bed way too late with too much on my mind and when the two-year-old climbed into my bed at 5am she smashed my face with her knee and then I couldn't fall back asleep and the one-year-old woke up screaming which isn't normal and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

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At breakfast no one wanted to eat and cereal ended up all over the floor and banana ended up all over the baby's head and my breakfast shake half melted before I could even take a drink and every time I stepped away from the table to get the two-year-old something new both girls yelled or screamed until I came back.

I think I'll move to Jamaica.

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At the doctor, the wait was long, the reality was frightening and the delivery rushed. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

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I could tell because upon my return home the babies were fussy. Nap time came late. The girls didn't sleep as long as usual, and they both woke up on the wrong side of the bed or crib. My husband claimed he "forgot" to call me on his way to an important meeting and had me worried that something was seriously wrong.

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Picked up the house to have the girls drag out every toy again. This is fine, but then I walked into the back playroom to discover melted ORANGE  Popsicle on the carpet, and the tile and the dining chairs. Dried orange Popsicle from morning snack.

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Then everyone wanted to know how my doctor's appointment went, and I didn't want to talk about it but I did and everyone seemed to have an opinion about what I should or should not do and while I am sure that comes from a place of love and concern, it really just feels like no one trusts me to make my own decisions for my own life and I really hate being told what to do and how to do it and why to do it. This happens a lot lately from people who know and love me and people who have no idea who I am. Someday my life will be my own again. Until then,

I think I'll move to Bermuda.

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There was spaghetti for dinner and I love spaghetti, but I couldn't eat it. There was Denver Broncos football on TV, and I love the Broncos, but we had to watch Curious George instead.

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Bedtime came. We completed our routine. Bedtime went. Two little girls cried and cried and cried. I snuggled and played and pleaded and lay on their bedroom floor. I begged and threatened and cried too. Around 1am, they both finally screamed themselves out. Then I cried myself into a stupor and drifted off to sleep.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Some days are like that.

Even in Colorado.

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Powderhorn 2013

As you may or may not have gathered, there is a tradition amongst the Mahan family to travel to the Powderhorn Ski Resort over Labor Day Weekend to relax together. Last year, we didn't make it for the first time in a really long time. This was due to multiple babies being due close to the usual weekend. We had a nice June family function in Denver last year, but it just wasn't the same.

This year, at least a small some of us were able to make the trip for our usual weekend. It was a small group. Really small, but it was so good to get away. As usual, turning into the long drive leading up to the condos, my jaw loosened, my grip became less white knuckle, and I am pretty sure my heartbeat evened and slowed a bit. I love this place. More importantly, I love the people with whom I share this place. Just some pictures from the trip!

Quincy practicing for her future career as a librarian. 

We went early to avoid traffic, so we got to go and visit Gramma at her library. For those who do not know, my mom runs the library at one of the elementary schools in Montrose, and she ROCKS at her job.

A little light reading! 

Heaven on Earth!

Celebrated Kelli's 22nd Birthday--which isn't until 9/11

Dad and I might have put all 22 candles on one cupcake. It was a fire hazard. Hilarious, but a hazard.

My awesome parents

The Newlyweds

Sisters...book ends of the Mahan clan.

Watching the light change from the top of the Grand Mesa

Me and my babies

Momma and Q

Momma and T

Dad and me

Mom and me

Blessed to live in this place!