Car Drama Mamma

Admittedly, I have trouble with this lately. It is hard to remember to count your many blessings when so much seems to be going wrong. I know I am blessed daily, but there are times when those blessings are a little more obvious than others. Twice this week, we have been blessed with our own little miracle. Twice, I have been spared from having to fork over money that we absolutely do not have right now to fix our cars. 

First, we had to take the Escape in for some work when the check engine light was blinking on and off at me  and the whole car seemed to be shaking. We took it in and had the initial work done on it, paid $680 for the repairs and brought it home. Less than 24 hours later, the engine light was back at it. So, I made the call, took it back in, and the dealership agreed to fix whatever was wrong at no cost to us. "Sorry we missed it the first time." No offense to the dealership, but since that second repair was $1000 repair, I am not all that sorry that we had to take it in a second time. Saved us a pretty penny, so thank you for missing it the first time and fixing it for us the second!

Second, my Fusion check engine, oil and maintenance light have been on for a month or more. Probably more. The initial test on it came back with another dealership telling us that we needed to replace the transmission. Dude! That is SO expensive. I don't have $8500 just lying around to spend on anything. So, the car sat in my driveway while we tried to figure out exactly how to handle this one. The dealership where I took the Escape (where we bought it--it's a bit of a drive from our house, so I took the Fusion to a closer one at first) without looking at it, based on what the other dealership had told us gave us a better estimate ($5600), and, of course, wanted to look at it which they have not yet.

It's no secret that we currently have to have a breathalyzer device in the Escape in order for Nick to have his  license. The dumb thing malfunctioned and locked me out! So, I had to take the girls in the Fusion the few blocks to get it looked at. The technician jumped back in with me to make sure that it was functioning properly and the Fusion was driving him nuts. He convinced me to allow his one of his mechanics to look at it for me, and let me tell you, I am so glad that I did. Two wires, 45 minutes and $200 later, the Fusion runs like a dream! 

All I can say is, "Thank you" to a loving Heavenly Father who watches out for this stubborn girl. 

Where Does The Time Go?

  

She's seven months old? How in the world did that happen so fast? I remember waiting and watching every move that Q made and thinking that she would never eat solids or crawl or walk or talk. Is that just how it is with the first? Time crawls because you are waiting and waiting and waiting for all these milestones? Then why does time FLY with number two? Because I am suddenly an expert? Hardly. Because big sister keeps me on my toes? Probably. I am just amazed by it all! I thought it would be fun to do some side by side comparisons of the girls at the same age. Enjoy them! I know I do.
                                 

What is True Love?

Oh, Hollywood! Thank you for giving me the most ridiculous expectations of love. I mean it. Truthfully, I live a love story that is stormy and challenging, and I need these moments to revel in the love story of someone much more tuneful in their love.

I used to spend Valentine's Day pining away for a true love! Someone who could and would sweep me off my feet. I can honestly say that I have been swept off my feet twice--and both of those relationships lasted but a moment--what will equate to mere seconds in Eternity, I am sure. That swept-off-my-feet feeling was fun. Not real. Lustful, really...the floor that I hit when my feet flipped over my head and reality rose up to meet me caused lots of bruises. Lots and lots of scrapes and torn ligaments. All this really was, was me stretching my love muscle. Learning what I want and do not want from a relationship, and let's be honest, testing my ability to forgive, to let go, to clean up, and to move forward.

"We should remember that saying 'I love you' is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love."

—David A. Bednar, "More Diligent and Concerned at Home", Liahona and Ensign, November 2009

"I love you" is such an important phrase. It means so much, and sometimes people throw it around too liberally. I think that often times we say, "I love you" just to hear it back. Just to confirm that we are indeed loved.

In order to be loved, you must give love. Love is not a material thing. You cannot buy it. You cannot buy someone's love with bribes or toys or treats or money. It doesn't work that way! You may secure affection for a short time, but attempting to bribe someone into loving you is a sure way to build resentment, anger, and eventual hatred.

I have been working on this post for DAYS. It is random. It is broken and may not really make sense. I am skirting around what I am really feeling this Valentine's Day. I appreciate that there is a day devoted to love. Not for the presents or the flowers or the chocolate. Not because I have always had someone, because I honestly have not. I have, however, always been loved. By my mother, my father, my sisters and brother. By my grandparents. By my friends. Valentine's Day should be a day that we take a moment just to remind the people we love that we love them! I mean, why not?! Don't join the hype if you don't want to, but don't knock this day of love.

My love story is a complex one. I will, once again, spend this day away from my Valentine thanks to forces out of my control. And, once again, as I evaluate the state of my current situation, I will say that while the road has been bumpy and the journey has already been long, I am more in love today than I was yesterday, and I will be more in love tomorrow than I am today. The fight for my family will likely never be over. Right now I travel a hard--and often lonely--road. And while this may not make sense, even in the loneliness, there is love.

So, Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers, the friends, the caregivers, the guardians, the grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, siblings, and parents. I'm sending all my love to you!