Dear Quincy,

Dear Quincy,

On this, your last day of being four, I wanted to write you a letter--just a simple letter from me as your mother to you as my daughter. As I sit here to write, I realize that there is nothing simple about writing a letter to a daughter. So, I will attempt to keep this as simple and concise as I can--and I will also try NOT to cry as I go.

First, you, my Q, are AMAZING! I love getting to pick you up from school every day with a new report from Miss Kim about all the LEARNING you are doing, and I LOVE to see your face light up as you tell me about the words you are sounding out, the books you read at school, the friends you have, and ALL the stories you make up as you run around and play.

Second, I could not have asked for a better helper than you, Quincy Anne! Thank you for making Beau happy and for playing so well with Tessa. Thank you for working so hard to be a good big sister and a good friend to your brother and your sister. The love you three have for one another is evident in the way you play, help, and hug one another! It lights up my momma heart to watch.

Third, I love that all those questions you would ask OVER and OVER again have become truly inquisitive musings. You keep me honest and creative, and I am so glad that you feel safe enough to ask me ANYTHING! I pray that as the questions become harder, more emotional, that we can ALWAYS talk.

Fourth, thank you for being a fighter. You have faced lots of challenges in your short life, and you handle them beautifully. From the first time I saw you in the NICU, I knew I had a feisty, fighter on my hands. Your nurses said from the get go, "She's feisty, Mom. That's good. She is going to be just fine." This has held true for many, many situations! And, not only are you fine--you are great! You are a rock star.

Fifth and finally, I was silly to think that as the older you got it would be easier and easier for me to let you go out into the world and do and be and play. I think, as you have grown and want to venture further and further from my arms, that it has become much harder. I want to always be able to protect you from hurt and harm. I know that I can't do that, and in the long run, you will be better off not only to experience both good and bad, but you will be a better, stronger person because you do. Your big heart and capacity to love both amaze and frighten me. Your willingness to be friends with everyone is a talent that I pray you never lose. You are a warrior, Q. Just know that there will always be a warm, safe place for you to come recharge.

I am so proud to be your mom.

Love Forever,

Mom

Single Digits...

Nick said last night, "Single digits, babe."

I started crying.

Not that this should be shocking news to anyone. I am nine days out from c-section #3. I suppose the beauty of a c-section is in the planning. Assuming I don't go into labor in the next nine days, we will drive to the hospital early in the morning and have a baby--early in the morning.

For those of you who are familiar with the trauma that accompanied both Q and T's births, you will understand how blessed I feel to be able to still be pregnant at this point.

Q was delivered via emergency c-section when I was only 32 weeks 6 days pregnant due to complications I was experiencing from Pregnancy Induced Hypertension.

T was delivered via emergency c-section (although much less emergent) at 37 weeks and 1 day due to the same issue.

Needless to say, we have been heavily monitoring my blood pressure for weeks. It is higher than normal, but as long as I stay below 140/90 and my body isn't sluffing off proteins, we can stay pregnant right up to 39 weeks.

Originally, I had asked if we could wait until my actual May 7th due date to do the c-section. While my doctor didn't say no, she did advise that with this kid's size (they are estimating a bigger baby), and the threat of going into labor increasing daily as we get closer to the due date, Nick and I decided that perhaps an April baby would be the best idea.

Our anniversary is May 1--a day after B will arrive.

Happy 6th Anniversary to us!

I am excited for the arrival of my mom, Lisa, and the girls. I am so grateful that my dad and Hondo are giving them up for me.

Holly will arrive shortly thereafter as well, and I am super excited for her arrival. Eric found her a killer flight to Denver, and I'm so glad he suggested she come see us for a fun weekend.

Just so no one is surprised: Nick will not be with me when I have this baby. Restrictions placed upon him by parole and probation have forbidden him from being there for the birth of his son. No, this was not something we knew would happen. He will be with me in spirit, but he will need lots of love and support that day. I will be fine. I will be surrounded by people who love us all. He will not, and he will need all the love and support he can possibly get. We have the best friends and family in the world, and I finish here with a plea to you--please help my husband get through what is sure to be a really hard day for him.

My little family as it is now. 

A Little Catch-Up

Wow! Why is it that I come back to look at the blog, thinking that it can't be all that long since I have updated, only to discover I haven't posted since DECEMBER and it is currently MARCH?!

So, let's make this a little catch-up focused on my 2015 goals.

Goal 1: Read more. Okay, so I am now involved in two book groups. One with my friends from church and another with my mom and sisters. Both are wonderful. Both give me the opportunity to read at least two books per month. Totally manageable. I have finished two books this year. Yikes! Granted, this is me reading more, but I did set a goal for myself on GoodReads to finished just 20 books this year. Twenty is normally nothing. Twenty feels daunting right now, but I am NOT giving up on it. Reading brings me joy, and I am currently seeking all those things that bring me joy! I feel myself slipping into a dark abyss as we are presented with challenge after challenge right now, and since there isn't a whole lot I can do other than to keep trudging (you, know...to trudge) through the mud and muck, I am diligently searching out things/activities/people who bring joy into my life.

Goal 2: One day at a time. This one has been both difficult and easy. I think that people in general like to look to the bright and untainted future. I know I do. However, I am living in a place where I know I need to get through today so I can also get through tomorrow. Doesn't sound real wonderful, does it? Once again, I am working on it. I actually just ordered/signed-up for www.billionclicks.org which is (basically) a movement to bring positive thinking and things into your life. You get a clicker, and every time you have a positive thought, you count it. Let's call it my own personal experience in the power of positive thinking in my life.

Goal 3: De-clutter and Organize. Well, this house is totally in transition right now. Girlies got a new bunk bed, and we moved beds and the crib around to make room for baby boy. So...there are piles of things all over my house as I try and organize and get ready for our new addition.

Goal 4: Party. Well, the girls and I went and spent my birthday weekend playing with Stef, Matt and the girls in Nashville! It was a much needed break for us all!

On the plane to Nashville

Breakfast at the Pfunky Griddle

Cousin snuggles are the best!

A night out in Nashville with Stef watching
The Matte Gray Band @ The Stage.