The One Where...

I love watching Friends. Since Nick has been home, we watch it quite often as it was something he missed while he was away. Not that this post will have any direct correlation to the show, but when since each episode is titled "The One Where..." and I had no idea what to title what is sure to be a random, rambling of a blog post, this title felt the most appropriate. Okay, first strange tangent over. Moving on:

I have been looking for the words to write to appropriately pay tribute to my Gram. She left us unexpectedly and too soon on January 12th. Here is what I have discovered. My thoughts on this range from anger that she's gone to guilt that I didn't see her more to frustration by how lonely she was these past (almost) seven years without Gramps to relief and happiness that they are together again--and I just cannot seem to find the words to express it all. I guess because mixed in with all of these different emotions is the disbelief that she is no longer on this Earth. I'm not kidding. I feel like we are going to empty her house and I am going to continue to tell myself that she is gone, BUT...I really don't believe it. Because I don't. I know that it will hit me one day. I really hope I am all alone when it does because it won't be pretty.

Gram and I at my graduation from Regis. 

Besides, my sister, Lisa, (who is a much better writer than I am), wrote an amazing tribute to Gram, so I can just say DITTO.

Because we lost Gram, this:

happened. Yep. All six of our girls were able to be together for the first time. That was an amazing experience. The babies are obviously oblivious, but to watch the three older cousins run around and play together--well, it was an amazing and interesting experience. They love each other! 

Remember how I have this huge goal to lose a person from my body--well, the above event didn't really help with that. I'm a stress eater. I guess the good news is that I haven't gained any weight...BUT, well, the scale isn't going down either. 

I have had several people express their concern that my goal is too high. That I am trying to lose too much. Let me assure you that I am not. I have spent my entire life overweight. I'm not even overweight now, guys. I tip the scale at morbidly obese on the charts. Yeah. Not joking. So, I'll chip away at my goal. This week, I'll try to lose two pounds. Easy enough. I don't need to drop 10 this week or 7 or even 5. Just two! I can do that. 

My 2013 Goal and...THE PLAN

This is me right now, and this girl...this large girl is not who I want to see when I look in the mirror anymore. So, 2013 is my year to change some things. Like...my eating habits, my soda addiction, my body, my confidence, my outlook on me. According to that really fun BMI scale, I have 100 lbs. to lose. Yeah. 100. Don't pretend to be shocked. Don't tell me I look great and there isn't 100 lbs of extra weight I am lugging around. I am. It's gross. I hate it. I am to the point where I won't look at anything but my face in the mirror because I just don't want to see it. I don't. It's how I feel about me right now. YES. I just had a baby almost six months ago, but let's not pretend that I wasn't fat before T and Q came along. NO. I am not looking for compliments or people to be shocked. What I need is support. From my friends and my family. I know I have it. I know people want me to succeed because they want me to be happy. This isn't about being vain. It isn't about clothing or a bathing suit or needing to look FABULOUS in a wedding in June (although that motivation does help). This is about me being the best, healthiest wife, mother, friend, sister and daughter I can be! I need this, guys. I don't just want it anymore. I need it.

So, I found this amazing group of people to workout with at a fun place called RightFitt (maybe I should have asked, Caley...sorry, but I hope you don't mind the shameless plug). There are weight loss challenges and fit challenges and classes and lots of info about nutrition and the plan that I hope is going to get me there through Herbalife. I'll be posting a lot about this journey. Join me if you would like! It is always nice to have a support group of friends, old and new.