Just Feeling Restless

This is the story of my life these days. I am not sure what it is...maybe the season or the holidays or the crazy events that have taken place in our lives recently, but I am one restless momma. It is strange to be so busy and feel this way. Q keeps me on my toes all day long, and when Nick gets home, she wants nothing but Daddy, so that is when I can actually DO things without an attachment.

I have projects to work on and people I want to see. I have presents to think about and a birthday party to plan. Our house is never spotless and the laundry is never done. I am searching for interesting recipies and easy crafts to keep me occupied. I have a growing stack of books to read and a lot of sleep to catch up on. So, why am I so restless?

Perhaps it is because I am always distracted. Projects get started, but never seem to be completed. My head is racing a million miles an hour, and the only time I am focused on one thing is when I am in the gym. I need a chart that is a huge TO DO List. I need someone to come and look at my list and tell me it isn't out of control.

Then again, maybe I am not busy enough. I am home with Q all the time. We go to the gym and run a small errand or two on a daily basis, but then we are home together all day. Maybe I am experiencing a little cabin fever. Maybe if I was busier, I would accomplish more. I have always performed better under pressure. Now that I have no deadlines and grades aren't due and papers aren't piling up and I don't have an essay to write or copies to make or lessons to plan, maybe I am slacking. Except, I don't miss that stuff. Okay, maybe I miss planning lessons and reading books and regular adult interaction, but I wouldn't trade it!

So, for now I will be restless...I will make that long list and even cross off a few things. Or maybe, I'll go help a little girl figure out how to crawl. That sounds better...crawling.

Another Disappointment?

I have to title this with a question mark because there is really no way to actually know at the current time whether or not I did or did not get this last job I interviewed for. In what appears to be true Texas style, I did not get a phone call on Friday to offer me a job, but I did not get a phone call that didn't offer me a job either. So, we have to opperate on the assumption that no call = no job. I guess we will just have to trust that this is the right thing for us right now. I know I have done all I can, and while I am not giving up on finding another job, I am operating with the idea that I will be subbing again this year. Okay. Fine. Not happy, but fine. I guess this will have to do.

A Rant

Remember when finding a prairie dog or a skunk in your backyard was cool? Remember how you just had to keep the dogs away and figure out how to help the poor little thing find its' way out of the window well or back to the field across the street? Remember when your neighbors didn't have roosters hanging out in their backyard in the middle of suburbia? I long for those days again, when I didn't have to listen to the crow of a rooster at all hours of the day. They crow at all hours of the day! Who knew? Certainly not this city girl. I do love me some nature--don't get me wrong--but I am NOT lovin' me some rooster.                                          

Today I am also not feeling like playing the grown-up game. Today I would really like to throw a hissy fit because things are not going the way I want them to. Today I want to be able to say exactly what I am thinking and how I am feeling to people and for there to not be any consequences to that. Today I don't want to be the bigger person. I don't want to be the grown up one. I want to be able to look right at those who are supposed to be my examples to live by and ask them what the heck they are thinking and doing. I just wonder why some people get to go through this world oblivious to how their choices and their words really hurt others, and the rest of us tiptoe around it as if it is okay. It's not okay! I'm not okay. I am frustrated, and I am upset. There is also nothing I can do about feeling these emotions except to try really hard to let them go. Don't think that I am not trying! I have been trying for months, but things keep happening, and I get hurt all over again. It doesn't help that my emotions are on a permanent roller coaster right now, and that ride is far from being over. So, today I rant and I will probably spend a good deal of time writing furiously and frantically in my journal to try and help ease my mind. It needs to be eased. There is a lot going on up there, and I need a place to store some of it before my head explodes!