Single Digits...

Nick said last night, "Single digits, babe."

I started crying.

Not that this should be shocking news to anyone. I am nine days out from c-section #3. I suppose the beauty of a c-section is in the planning. Assuming I don't go into labor in the next nine days, we will drive to the hospital early in the morning and have a baby--early in the morning.

For those of you who are familiar with the trauma that accompanied both Q and T's births, you will understand how blessed I feel to be able to still be pregnant at this point.

Q was delivered via emergency c-section when I was only 32 weeks 6 days pregnant due to complications I was experiencing from Pregnancy Induced Hypertension.

T was delivered via emergency c-section (although much less emergent) at 37 weeks and 1 day due to the same issue.

Needless to say, we have been heavily monitoring my blood pressure for weeks. It is higher than normal, but as long as I stay below 140/90 and my body isn't sluffing off proteins, we can stay pregnant right up to 39 weeks.

Originally, I had asked if we could wait until my actual May 7th due date to do the c-section. While my doctor didn't say no, she did advise that with this kid's size (they are estimating a bigger baby), and the threat of going into labor increasing daily as we get closer to the due date, Nick and I decided that perhaps an April baby would be the best idea.

Our anniversary is May 1--a day after B will arrive.

Happy 6th Anniversary to us!

I am excited for the arrival of my mom, Lisa, and the girls. I am so grateful that my dad and Hondo are giving them up for me.

Holly will arrive shortly thereafter as well, and I am super excited for her arrival. Eric found her a killer flight to Denver, and I'm so glad he suggested she come see us for a fun weekend.

Just so no one is surprised: Nick will not be with me when I have this baby. Restrictions placed upon him by parole and probation have forbidden him from being there for the birth of his son. No, this was not something we knew would happen. He will be with me in spirit, but he will need lots of love and support that day. I will be fine. I will be surrounded by people who love us all. He will not, and he will need all the love and support he can possibly get. We have the best friends and family in the world, and I finish here with a plea to you--please help my husband get through what is sure to be a really hard day for him.

My little family as it is now. 

A Little Catch-Up

Wow! Why is it that I come back to look at the blog, thinking that it can't be all that long since I have updated, only to discover I haven't posted since DECEMBER and it is currently MARCH?!

So, let's make this a little catch-up focused on my 2015 goals.

Goal 1: Read more. Okay, so I am now involved in two book groups. One with my friends from church and another with my mom and sisters. Both are wonderful. Both give me the opportunity to read at least two books per month. Totally manageable. I have finished two books this year. Yikes! Granted, this is me reading more, but I did set a goal for myself on GoodReads to finished just 20 books this year. Twenty is normally nothing. Twenty feels daunting right now, but I am NOT giving up on it. Reading brings me joy, and I am currently seeking all those things that bring me joy! I feel myself slipping into a dark abyss as we are presented with challenge after challenge right now, and since there isn't a whole lot I can do other than to keep trudging (you, know...to trudge) through the mud and muck, I am diligently searching out things/activities/people who bring joy into my life.

Goal 2: One day at a time. This one has been both difficult and easy. I think that people in general like to look to the bright and untainted future. I know I do. However, I am living in a place where I know I need to get through today so I can also get through tomorrow. Doesn't sound real wonderful, does it? Once again, I am working on it. I actually just ordered/signed-up for www.billionclicks.org which is (basically) a movement to bring positive thinking and things into your life. You get a clicker, and every time you have a positive thought, you count it. Let's call it my own personal experience in the power of positive thinking in my life.

Goal 3: De-clutter and Organize. Well, this house is totally in transition right now. Girlies got a new bunk bed, and we moved beds and the crib around to make room for baby boy. So...there are piles of things all over my house as I try and organize and get ready for our new addition.

Goal 4: Party. Well, the girls and I went and spent my birthday weekend playing with Stef, Matt and the girls in Nashville! It was a much needed break for us all!

On the plane to Nashville

Breakfast at the Pfunky Griddle

Cousin snuggles are the best!

A night out in Nashville with Stef watching
The Matte Gray Band @ The Stage.

2015 GOALS

Yep. It is that time of year when I start to think seriously about what I want to do to improve my life, my home, and aid my family in being happy and healthy in the upcoming year. 2015 already feels like an intimidating year--and not just because we are having another baby in May. I am pretty sure that we are already on a crazy roller coaster that will require me to just hang on for dear life many days. We should close the chapter of our lives that has thrown us into this country's broken justice system, but closing that chapter is going to be just as hard and traumatic as the opening was, I am afraid. Just a hunch. So, I am going to focus on my GOALS for 2015 on things I actually have a little control over. Here they are (in no particular order):

1. READ MORE: You guys. I love to read so much, and I have not allowed myself the time since Quincy was born to read like I used to. Honestly, 1-2 books a month will go a long way to helping me feel more like me!

2. ONE DAY AT A TIME: Life is crazy, and as much as I wish I could plan and plan and plan, it doesn't seem to work that way, so I am going to do my very best to focus on each day as it comes and to enjoy it.

3. DE-CLUTTER and ORGANIZE: We have a cozy house. We are adding another person to this cozy house, and he is going to need some space. I have a small and large list of project I would like to get done before his arrival, and a timeline! Well, a timeline for a few of these things.

4. PARTY: Do you know that for the past three years I have kind of shut myself off? I mean, I still go to book club, and I still participate in some activities, and I still see my BFF's occasionally, but I usually find excuses not to go and not to celebrate and not to be super social. I used to be super social. I miss social me sometimes. In case you all weren't aware, I'm pretty funny and generally fun to be around. I'm ready to find that girl again.

So, there they are. Four goals. Four things I want to focus on that I know will allow me to be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, sister and friend. What are your GOALS?

Thanksgiving is coming and I'm not ready!

Thanksgiving is usually my favorite holiday. This year, I am having a hard time finding my Thanksgiving groove. There isn't a blaring reason for this. I mean, every year life gets busier and busier and busier, but this year might be the first in quite a few when things have somewhat calmed down--or our obstacles are annoying but manageable--and I don't NEED to cling to the holidays to make it through the rest of this year. Sadly, this kind of makes me nervous too. I sometimes find myself looking over my shoulder to see what might be following me or lurking around the corner. I wonder if I will ever be able to relax again. That's rather depressing, isn't it?

Despite the somber tone that this post has apparently taken on, life at our house is pretty good. Nick is almost done with his current hitch, so we will get Daddy home for two weeks over the Thanksgiving holiday. The girl's are ready. Q has asked him every morning for the last five if he is done and can hang out with her now. One more night, baby girl!

Maybe I just need to remind myself of all the things for which I am thankful. There are lots and lots, so over the next few days I will post about those things...all those little things, because the little things help me appreciate the big things even more.

My Sister Told Me to Blog, So...

For those of you who are friends with all of us Mahan girls, you might have noticed a trend. I'll out the sister who decided it had been WAY too long since we had taken fingers to keyboard: it was Holly. I have tried to write a few times, but nothing super positive or particularly awesome has come of it, so I haven't posted. Let me touch on a few things now, but be prepared for some serious randomness!

"Speaking of money, we have tomatoes." --Cindy Mahan

Gardening: We made a rather sad attempt at gardening this year. Nick and I thought we it would be great for the "girls" to get a chance to garden. Don't get me wrong! The girlies loved it! Tessa loved to water the garden with Daddy every night, and by water I, of course, mean try and spray the dogs. We did like to check and see how everything was growing. Our garden was small, and with NO experience whatsoever, we did okay. Almost everything grew something, and we will be carving our own pumpkins this year! We'll call it a success and a major learning experience.

Powderhorn: Yep! I have to mention it too because it was really spectacular! Twenty-three people, three condos, and lots of fun family time! I noticed this year more than other years, just how much we all seem to gel better and better as a cohesive family unit--which is great because we keep adding to this crazy group of people! It was such a special treat to have Matt, Lesley and Evelyn with us this year too. I love seeing Matt the family man! And I love seeing him so happy! We love the Thornes! (Now just hurry up and move here!)

Anniversary: No, we haven't celebrated another wedding anniversary. We did get married in May, so that hasn't changed. This is an anniversary of a different kind, and one that, while we don't celebrate it the same, means just as much to me. We have just passed the third anniversary of Nick's sobriety. The choices he made surrounding his addiction were life changing for him--for us. In too many ways, we are still paying for his choices. And while I have never watched someone fall so low (or experienced it right along side him), I have never seen someone work so hard to climb. He's an amazing man, and I am proud of him. 

Tessa Turns 2!

Can we talk for a moment about this age of two? It is such an interesting and fun age. Yep. She has her "terrible" moments, but really...this kid is just so funny and kind and curious and happy!

Tessa Loves:
Frozen
Beauty and the Beast
Singing
Playing with everything!
Reading
Coloring
Running around the backyard with the dogs
Walking to the park
Dancing

Tessa Says:
Lots and lots of words, actually, but there are a few that are really very cute right now:
Tinsie (Quincy)
Ummmm...
Momma shower?
Moommmmyyyyy!
MoMo (Monroe)
Paise (Paisley)
ElpEe! (Help me)
Idoit! (I do it)
Aawww!
Tiss! (Kiss)
O-tay.

Tessa Doesn't Like:
Having Mom do things for her
Being told no
Leaving her friends

I am her mother and amazingly biased, but this kid is truly amazing and such a blessing to me. I love her so unbelievably much! My Tessa. My saving grace.

LuLaRoe Convention

I just had to write a quick post about what a great time I had at the National LuLaRoe Convention. And by write, I really mean share pictures! I had a wonderful time, and I feel so blessed to be a part of this company!

We (Brittany, Stef and I) went on a tour of the WB Studios. We loved it! Although I think our tour-mates didn't love us so much. We were super enthusiastic and everyone else was a little bit on the quiet side. (AKA boring)

Our tour guide, Yvette, loved us though! She took us to see everything we wanted to see and laughed at us and with us!

It is such an amazing blessing to be able to be a part of this business with my sister who is also my best friend. 

I got to share this weekend with my beautiful sister, Stef, and her equally beautiful friend, Brittany. This is our picture on the beach during the end of our first day there! The beach party was really amazing.  

This is me and DeAnne, our fearless LuLaRoe leader! She is an amazing lady with an amazing story.

We got to meet some truly amazing ladies and spend the weekend being educated and uplifted by them! I love LuLaRoe!

So, who wants to come with me next year? I'm already looking forward to it!