Post #3: All the Places I've Lived--and My Favorite So Far

Hmmm...this really isn't going to be a super long or interesting post, I think. I've lived in so few places, SO let me tell you a little bit about them all.

Grand Junction, CO

I was born here. My parents met at Fruita Monument High School, and I spent the majority of my first four years of life in this area. My grandparents were and are here. My baby sister lives there now. We still visit family, and as I have grown older, I can appreciate the beauty and tranquility that this place offers. It would be an okay place to raise a family. My favorite things about Grand Junction are the people I love who live there.

Vernal, UT

We lived here for a short time when I was very little, and I don't remember it much. I think we lived in a trailer--that in my head was in the middle of nowhere. I could be wrong. But any memories I have of this time in my life are pretty fuzzy and broken up or mushed together with other early memories. The person who would later become my best friend was born while we lived here--yeah, a sister. And I remember Adam becoming more and more of a friend and playmate while we lived here. Since he was my other half growing up, this is probably where that started.

Broomfield, CO

I live here now, but let's talk about what it was like to grow up here. I don't think as a kid I realized how lucky we were to be here. Broomfield was a great place to grow up. The recreation programs. The schools. Our ward (church) and the friends I made as a result. We were truly blessed to be in this town so close to both mountains and city. My dad likes to pretend that this didn't really happen--but I'm never sure why because if you have to struggle through raising kids and running into financial difficulties, you will never be more supported and taken care of than by the people here.

Greeley, CO

Let's see...it smells. I experienced a rough break-up here. I failed a class for the first time. I made friends--only one I still talk to on a regular basis (and she came into my life AFTER I had already left). Poor Greeley. You were never my favorite.

Thornton, CO

This is obviously not a far stretch from home. I lived here in my own apartment for the first time. I was close to home, close to work, AND Thornton brought the friend back into my life who would introduce me to my husband. Good job, Thornton.

Fort Worth, TX

Heaven help me. Is it possible for a place to hold such dark and light memories for me? I never really felt like I was home in Texas. I met a lot of amazing people. I have wonderful friends in my life because of Texas, but not a single one of them ever got the best version of me. I was so LOST in that place. Homesick and sad. Happy but overly cautious. Look, friends. I am a super cool person. Flawed--as we all are--BUT while I was in TX, NO ONE got to see that girl. Including the poor soul who married me and moved there to be with him. And it isn't Fort Worth's fault. It is totally mine. I don't think I knew how to give TX a chance. I never felt adequate enough to jump into the life Nick already had established. Sadly, I felt horribly judged by that life. The life we began to build together was fine. We had a cute house and made fun friends at church, BUT...there is always a but. I am both grateful that Texas happened and glad I never have to live there again. (Heaven help me, I hope not, anyway.)

Broomfield, CO

We are back here. And, you guys, this is seriously my favorite place to live. I LOVE our little house in our little neighborhood. It is old and quirky and cramped and crowded and COMPLETELY FILLED WITH LOVE. I feel so at home and at peace in this place. I love the big trees. I love the parks. I love all the things to do. I love being outside in our yard in the DRY air. I love looking up and seeing the mountains. I love the snow. I love the sunshine. I love the drive to Denver and the fact that my children are already in love with our beautiful city. I love family walks and dreaming of the future here with Nick. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being here and raising my kids here and allowing my family to come visit their roots and watching Nick and Adam and Kara play softball and the Bay and the trails and the absolute beauty that is Broomfield Colorado. This is my happy place.

Okay, so I lied. It was long. You decide how interesting it is.

Post #2 Favorite Time Wasters

I'm not really going to be obvious here...cellphone, games, TV, etc are all obvious time wasters. However, my very favorite time wasters are my kids. Like really...I need to do laundry or clean the kitchen? How about we read 27 books and color instead. Need to send some emails and ship some inventory? Let's watch Frozen for the 100 millionth time! They are my favorite way to "waste" time, but it really isn't a waste, is it? Naw!

Summer Blog Challenge 2016: Someone I Admire

Where does your mind wander when asked who you admire? Straight to a celebrity who stands for what you believe? Your parents? A teacher? Oprah...because, well...Oprah!

No, I'm not going to write about Oprah. But I do love her. 

Today I am going to write about this girl:

The one on the right. Not me. I'm not writing a blog about how awesome I am. Although I should. Because I am. 

Anyway...this here girl--her name is Holly--is someone whom I admire greatly. She's kind of one of the most cool, most gorgeous, most smart, most faithful, most patient people I know. In fact, someday I hope I am just like her. Kind, Generous. Positive. Crazy smart. 

Yes, she is my younger sister. By a bit (you guys, I'm getting old here). But in many, many ways she is much older--read this as wiser--than me. Her understanding of things both spiritual and temporal far surpasses my own. 

If you are lucky enough to know her, you know just what I am trying to convey. But I am sure I have not done her justice here. 

A Conversation with Q (5) and T (3)

On the way home from meeting Daddy for lunch, Quincy, Tessa and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Mom: Look, girls! There is the place where the Broncos play. Do you see the Bronco on the side of the building?

Q: The Broncos play right there? Tessa, do you see it?

T: Yeah, Quincy! I see the sign.

Q: Wait a minute, Mom! Are we in Denver?

Mom: We are! We are driving on the highway through Denver right now.

Q: Tessa! We are in Denver!

T: I know, Quincy!

Q: But Momma, I am a little sad about something.

Mom: You are? What is that, baby girl?

Q: Peyton Manning, Mom. He doesn't play for the Broncos anymore.

Mom: You are right. He doesn't.

T: Yeah, Mom. Peyton Manning is tired, so he doesn't play anymore.

Mom: He probably is tired. You girls are right.

Q: But Momma! I never got to see him.

Mom: I think we will still see him, honey. He'll still do commercials and be on TV and stuff.

Q: No, Mom. I mean, I want to MEET him. Now I'll never get to meet him.

Mom: Oh, sweetie! Maybe not, but we can always send him a letter if you want.

Q: Okay, Mom.

I had to write this down. It was such an animated, fun conversation with my girls today. I SO love that these girls love this place (and our Broncos) as much as I do!

http://www.monigle.com/images/casestudies/saf-bg-1a.jpg

Anxiety, my new/old friend

I will admit that I have become a BuzzFeed junkie. I love the random posts, the sarcasm, the snarky comments, the entertaining (sometimes inappropriate) videos. I love it. There are posts that I avoid, however. The majority of which are depression or anxiety related. Why? Well, this girl is having some kind of strange love affair with anxiety. Thankfully, it is manageable on my own currently, but I find this anxious time in my life rather...interesting? eye-opening? challenging? maddening? frustrating?

Let's cover a few things:

1. Several years ago there was a student in my class that I NEVER met. She was enrolled in my class for an entire semester, and her mother came to school twice to try and pick up work for her, but she never came to school because she was battling severe anxiety. I remember feeling bad for her and also frustrated because I just did not understand how anyone could actually feel SO anxious about LIFE that they never wanted to leave their home. Silly me. Granted, I am never so anxious that I don't want to leave my home, but I do have to talk myself into it sometimes. I have to make plans with people so I am fully committed. And then sometimes I DREAD those plans for DAYS until I leave for planned event and have a wonderful time. Always. I always go and have a wonderful time.

2. I love sleep. I love it. I look forward to the time when I can take a nap every day. Really. And yet, sleep and I are not the very best of friends every day. Granted, I have a ten month old who seems to dislike sleep, but it is more than that. I find myself awake often trying to figure out solutions to problems that NO LONGER EXIST in my life. You know, like what should I have done differently this one time OR what should I have said in this situation. Should I have stuck up for myself more here? How would I handle this today? Total waste of time, and yet I cannot seem to turn it off on some nights.

3. Remember when your friends were everything? They were your family and support system and the people you spoke to every single day. Remember how life happens and family happens and all of that is good and wonderful? And then, somehow you don't talk to these people as often and you worry that you have no friends. And then you want to reach out to them, and sometimes you do, and other times you cannot find the words to even say, "Hey, how are things?" even though it is as simple as that? But when you do, you find that they still love you. Because--well, in most cases anyway--THEY STILL LOVE YOU.

4. Then there is this online life we seem to have to live where everything is perfect and pictures are flawless. There was a time when I had just had a baby and my life was not perfect and wonderful, and I apparently shared that too much because my husband got complaints from people who thought I should be happy because I had just had a baby and that obviously should be the sunshine in every person's day--and IT IS--but it is also hard and I was alone--A LOT--and things were not perfect. Not that I am always sunshine and roses in my online life, BUT this is the first time since then that I have DARED to post anything negative for public eye on purpose. And I am actually fearing for the backlash that this will bring, and I may not even tell anyone that this post is here. I might just let people find it on their own because writing down things about my anxiety in order to get them out and off my chest is one thing--sharing is totally another. And yet, I feel as if maybe someone else needs to know that anxiety is real and okay and others deal with it too.  

5. There are crazy things that led to my anxiety. I know what they are, and we are working hard to change those things and learn how to cope with that process. These are the big reasons. There are often little things that trigger my anxious feelings. See, I don't spend every moment of every day with anxiety. I spend a few hours here and there really feeling anxious. Today, that thing is this: I have to go in for an echocardiogram tomorrow. At an appointment a few weeks ago the doctor heard what he thought was enough of a murmur to send me in to get it looked at. You guys. I KNOW this is probably not a big deal. I KNOW THIS. But I cannot help but think about all the heart surgeries that have been done on all the people I am related to. I cannot help but think about the surgery that Gram had before she died. I cannot help but think about the episodes and attacks and the medicine cabinets full of medicine that these people had/have to deal with. I cannot help but think of the extra weight I carry and the high blood pressure when I am pregnant. I cannot help but think of all the times I have heard that my _______ was my age when they started having _______ issue or _______ medicine. And I am terrified.

Just Another Day

Well, it is February 17th. Do you know what this means? It means that it is past the date of February 11, 2016. And, you know what? We made it. We survived.

Nick arrived home from work on the 11th, and I greeted him with a "Congratulations! Probation is over." And that was it. That was all. There was no fanfare. No ticker-tape parade. There were no balloons or fireworks. I don't know why I expected it would somehow be an epic day, but it was just another day.

Although...

Something did change on that day. I can, for the first time in four and a half years, look forward to our future. You see, right up until this day, you would have had a hard time convincing me that February 11, 2016 would even actually happen. My brain was hardwired to believe that that day would NEVER come. No seriously. February 10th was the end of time as far as my head was concerned.

I know this seems silly. In the last four and a half years, life has marched on. We have two more babies. I drive a minivan (this still leaves me reeling from the shock). I started a business. Nick has held several jobs, and he just started a new one that he already LOVES! I have rearranged my house three times. The girls are sleeping in bunk beds. They are both in preschool. LIFE has certainly not stopped. But, my brain seemed to.

In fact, now that we are past that date, I am relearning how to dream. Like really dream. All of a sudden there are possibilities for our future. And, YOU GUYS! It is really STRANGE. Really, really strange. Sometimes I feel as if I have to stop myself. Because the pause button has been pushed on dreaming for a long, long time. Is it crazy that I am scared a little?

Good scared.

But scared.

Another day, when I can wrap my head around it, I will have to write about all the wisdom (HA!) I have for you. I have learned many things over the last few years. I just can't think of them right now.

Until then, let's celebrate. Who wants to? I think we need to have a party. To celebrate the future and all the possibilities for a wonderful life.

Dear Quincy,

Dear Quincy,

On this, your last day of being four, I wanted to write you a letter--just a simple letter from me as your mother to you as my daughter. As I sit here to write, I realize that there is nothing simple about writing a letter to a daughter. So, I will attempt to keep this as simple and concise as I can--and I will also try NOT to cry as I go.

First, you, my Q, are AMAZING! I love getting to pick you up from school every day with a new report from Miss Kim about all the LEARNING you are doing, and I LOVE to see your face light up as you tell me about the words you are sounding out, the books you read at school, the friends you have, and ALL the stories you make up as you run around and play.

Second, I could not have asked for a better helper than you, Quincy Anne! Thank you for making Beau happy and for playing so well with Tessa. Thank you for working so hard to be a good big sister and a good friend to your brother and your sister. The love you three have for one another is evident in the way you play, help, and hug one another! It lights up my momma heart to watch.

Third, I love that all those questions you would ask OVER and OVER again have become truly inquisitive musings. You keep me honest and creative, and I am so glad that you feel safe enough to ask me ANYTHING! I pray that as the questions become harder, more emotional, that we can ALWAYS talk.

Fourth, thank you for being a fighter. You have faced lots of challenges in your short life, and you handle them beautifully. From the first time I saw you in the NICU, I knew I had a feisty, fighter on my hands. Your nurses said from the get go, "She's feisty, Mom. That's good. She is going to be just fine." This has held true for many, many situations! And, not only are you fine--you are great! You are a rock star.

Fifth and finally, I was silly to think that as the older you got it would be easier and easier for me to let you go out into the world and do and be and play. I think, as you have grown and want to venture further and further from my arms, that it has become much harder. I want to always be able to protect you from hurt and harm. I know that I can't do that, and in the long run, you will be better off not only to experience both good and bad, but you will be a better, stronger person because you do. Your big heart and capacity to love both amaze and frighten me. Your willingness to be friends with everyone is a talent that I pray you never lose. You are a warrior, Q. Just know that there will always be a warm, safe place for you to come recharge.

I am so proud to be your mom.

Love Forever,

Mom