Quincy is 15 months old

Okay, so she was actually 15 months old almost a week ago, but we went to the doctor today for her well check, and I just can't help but write about how amazing my girl is. I am a parent, and as such, I have the extreme duty and right to brag about my little girl. Considering the crazy circumstances that surrounded her birth, she is just--dare I say it?--perfect!
While she is not quite walking yet (seriously, I am not in a hurry for that), she is standing and talking and yelling and testing her independence like any 15 month old should. I am quite proud of her 10 words (8 spoken and 2 signed), and love, love, love hearing her tell people "dye-dye" (which is, of course, bye-bye) and barking like a dog whenever she sees or hears a dog. She will say DOG, but it comes out like DOT...so cute.
At 30 and 1/2 inches tall and 20 lbs. 11 oz., she just seems so long and lean to me these days. Of course, she is into everything! She will let me know when she is mad--usually at me! And she turns into a beast when she is tired. So, she is perfect. I feel so blessed to be her mom.

Attended by Angels

Angels come in all shapes and sizes. There are those we can see and others that we cannot. I have always had faith that angels are all around us and that we have the ability to be an angel in someone else's life. There is no doubt that my little family is being attended by angels every day. We are being protected. We are being blessed in ways that I honestly do not feel worthy to receive. These angels have come in the form of friends who are kind enough to listen to me cry and complain, family who do the same and support us in ways I still cannot wrap my head around. We are being blessed as we are experiencing trial after trial and heartache after heartbreak. I feel as if I cannot say THANK YOU enough. I am comforted by the knowledge that I have that we are going to be okay. This can't last forever, and I have to believe that we will rise out of the ashes like a phoenix. At least, I am determined...

My Saving Grace

As I try to find things to be grateful for everyday, I find that I am so thankful for this little girl in my life. I am thankful for her smiles. I am mesmerized by her laugh. I love watching her turn into a funny, funny little person. She is hilarious, and she knows it! 

When we go out anywhere, she attracts attention from everyone. She loves people. She has an infectious smile and a captivating laugh. People are drawn to her, and she loves them. 

I mean, who wouldn't love this face?! She saves me each and every day. 

It's okay to admit it...I'm sad.

A Texas friend posted this video today on Facebook, and I shared it there as well, but I felt as if I needed to put it here to remind me. It is okay that I am sad sometimes. Today was a highly productive day. I got a lot done. I talked to many people I needed to. I received relevant and important information. Then I sat on my couch and bawled. Through the tears though, I have to say that I do know that I am being watched over. My friends and family are incredible. My daughter (while trying today) is always a blessing. And, I know that my Father in Heaven is mindful of our circumstances. He know how I am (we are) feeling, how I am (we are) dealing, and what I (we) need to make it through. Of this I am sure.

Missing My Lobster...

Well, it isn't a secret that Nick isn't here. Q and I made a trip to see him in Texas last week. It was bittersweet. (For all you TX friends reading this, sorry we didn't get to visit everyone. We didn't really have time, so I didn't make it known that we were there.) We probably will not be able to make it back again. Just in case anyone wondered...I am miserable and I do hate this. Just in case anyone wondered...we are doing okay and my daughter is a trooper.
I did also celebrate a birthday while away. Thirty-two...funny, I don't feel thirty-two. These days I feel significantly older, but usually I still feel as if I am a twenty-something. Then I have those days when I want to be five again...oh, age! When I am feeling this way, I always think of the short story, "Eleven", by Sandra Cisneros. (Read it, it is short!) I loved teaching this one, but more than that, I love how much I can relate.
Well, since this post has been a little random already, have I ever mentioned what a wonderful little girl I have! She really is the light of my life! She makes me laugh daily! Here she is doing her yoga!

What a cutie! I am a blessed momma! 

Finally, I would be so ungrateful if I didn't say thank you to those wonderful friends who have helped us out so much! I won't mention names here, but you certainly know who you are. I can't properly express how much I appreciate the time and energy you have invested in helping my little family. Life would certainly be SO much harder without you. Love you! 

If my life were a Jane Austen novel...

Oh, how glorious that would be! I would be just the right amount of vulnerable, intelligent, hard-headed, witty, beautiful, desired, and admired. My path would be chosen for me. I would, of course, be a gentleman's daughter and therefore, someone stunning would come along and want to sweep me off my feet. We would banter and argue and probably despise one another at first, but then fall hopelessly in love.
If my life were a Jane Austen novel...
My biggest worry would be which beau to choose and how to wear my hair and my best friends unfortunate match in a mate. We would giggle and discuss the wretched gossip from town, and my mother would probably be crazy.
If my life were a Jane Austen novel...
I wouldn't have days like today where I was so exhausted I could hardly lift my daughter. I wouldn't break down in Walmart parking lots because a gust of wind just happened to set me off. I wouldn't have a TO DO list a mile and a half long and feel so unbelievably overwhelmed that I just want to sit on my couch and do nothing. I wouldn't worry that I have completely alienated my best friend because I have really crappy timing sometimes.
If my life were a Jane Austen novel...
I wouldn't be married to the love of my life. I wouldn't have the greatest daughter God could have blessed me with. I wouldn't be able to face challenges and grow and become a stronger person. I wouldn't learn from each mistake I make. I wouldn't have the best family and the most amazing friends on the planet.
If my life were a Jane Austen novel...
Why that would be no life at all! So, thank you, Jane, for the chance to escape for a while. However, I will keep my life--as wretched and wonderful as it all is!

Thoughts about our 2011

Generally this time of year I would do an elaborate post about how our year shaped up complete with pictures and fantastic commentaries on the wonderfulness of our life, especially now that we are back in Colorado. However, I kind of don't have the desire or energy for any of that this year. The last few months have been exhausting with no end really in sight.
So, here are some things I have learned this year. Before I start, let me preface this with the statement that we are all fine. Nick and I are fine. Quincy is fine. We are just experiencing one of those trials that you never think you are going to experience. Nick is back in Texas for a while. He is there taking care of some things he needed to take care of long ago. Unfortunately, we cannot be with him for the time being, so Quincy and I are trucking along in CO. I am looking for a job as Nick lost his. We are working hard to keep our family together and to make life as normal for our baby girl as possible.
Sometimes I wonder if moving home was the right decision for us, but then again, I know it was okay. Q and I are close to family, and we are blessed to be in a wonderful ward with people who support us as well. Life right now is probably harder than it ever has been before, and yet, I am unafraid. I know that we are being attended by angels everywhere we go. I know that Nick is doing the right thing. I know that we are going to make it through all this, one long day at a time. I know that my strength, my patience, my ability to cope are all being tested right now. I am thankful that Quincy is so young. She is aware that things are different, but she is still our happy little girl. She is growing so fast, and I thank my Father in Heaven every day that I have such an amazing daughter. She is my everything.
I probably just made myself sound like an amazing martyr, which I am not. I struggle. I cry just about everyday and at the smallest things. I worry. I don't sleep some nights. I complain. I question. I say and do all the wrong things. I am far from perfect, and I am not going to pretend that I am even close to perfect. I love my husband. He is not a perfect person either, and I love him because of that.
I know that one day we will look back on this time, and it will be but a brief moment. This hardship is one that we will conquer. It will pass, and we will rebuild. Isn't that what people do? Fall and rebuild. Try and fail until you meet success. If you know me at all, you know that I refuse to give up. I will work hard to build the life I know my family deserves. I will protect my family. Somehow I will learn to ask for help. Somehow I will learn to be more patient. Somehow I will come through a better, stronger wife, mother and overall person.