I wonder...

I wonder if there is something that I can do just to lift my spirits a little. I wonder why I am so sad sometimes. Things are supposed to be going great! Remember? I am married to my best friend. We are finally together. We have Joey and Elway, and everything that goes along with his job is great right now. I just don't want to live vicariously through him anymore. He has work and friends and things to do and places to be. If I never wanted to leave this house, I would never have to. Unfortunately for us all, I hate being a home body. Granted, making a home with Nick is the most I have felt like I have a HOME since I lived in the Broomfield house. That place has been forever ruined for me though. I guess that as long as Nick and I are together, I should find things and ways to make myself happy. My social outlet is going to have to be church because I have nothing else right now. There are some really great people at church, and some wonderful women whom I already adore. I could make some good friends here. I just really miss my friends at home who I could yell at across the hall or run into their classroom. I miss driving over to A's house to play with her and the kiddo. I miss Old C's with my girls. I hate that I am missing K's belly grow! We were all supposed to be together for those things.

I guess that I really need to stop focusing on the things that feel so negative right now and build some positives. I love my husband. He is my world. I love our little family--even though our children are dogs. I am looking forward to building up our life together. It will be a great life.

Break Down

So, I really did break down yesterday. Nick's dad called and asked if it was okay for him to come visit in three weeks. We were under the impression that my parents might be here during that time, so I sent both parents a text message asking what dates exactly they would be here. The answer, they can't come early November like they wanted. I don't think even I realized how much I was holding on to the idea that they were going to come visit until they weren't coming anymore. I lost it. I sobbed. I snotted all over myself. I ended up arguing with my sister who didn't seem to understand that all I needed was someone to cry to.

I can't seem to focus on anything except for how much I don't like it here. There are all kinds of factors that contribute to that. Subbing totally stinks. I hate feeling so insignificant. I have made a few friends here and there, but it is so different. Leaving those people who have been my BEST friends and family for so long has been really hard. I have no confidence. I say things wrong all the time. I am not comfortable in my own skin. I don't even feel like I am being myself around my darling husband--the one person I have been able to be just me around since I met him.

This place is not my home, and I really do want to make it better. I just don't know how to do that. How does a person do that? I don't know how, but I know that there are people out there who are really good at it. Help me!

Announcement Pictures

We took pictures for our ceremony announcements. I just thought I would post a few to share.

Missing Work...

So, I miss being a real teacher. I know, I know, Stef. I am still a real teacher, but I sure don't feel like one. Nothing to plan or teach or read or grade. It is killing me! How do people do this? I have to bring things to do because I am SO bored while I wander around the room and stare at kids hoping they are actually doing work. I refuse to fight the cellphone and iPod fight. I won't ride them for not working if they are not being a problem. I can't! I have zero authority and no respect. I am there to prod them into doing something while their teacher is gone and to maintain order. That's it. I am a babysitter, and it is already old! This is going to be a long year!

Powderhorn

We spent Labor Day weekend with the family at Powderhorn as usual! We had a really great time--as usual! Here are some snapshots of the weekend fun!

This is most of the group enjoying lunch at Dos Hombres before we headed up the mountain to the condo on Saturday this year. We usually head up Friday, but Saturday seemed easier this time around.

This is just one the view pictures I took as Dad drove Nick, Stef, and me up Land's End Road to the top of the Grand Mesa. He told Nick he had an adventure to take him on, and this was it. Nick loved it!

This is a picture of some of the group as we watched the sunset from on top of the Grand Mesa on Sunday night. Nick turned around too soon! I love to see everyone enjoying the beauty that is God's great Earth!

Nick took this one of the two of us while we were all out on the desert on Monday. We go shooting every year! We missed it last year because I had to get Nick to the airport, but we had a lot of fun shooting with everyone this year.

New for the School Year

So, the school year in Colorado has started and now the school year in Texas has started. I have started nothing. Essentially this means that I am officially not working this school year.

Okay, okay...I am will be subbing in the district in which we live. For some reason, that isn't real work to me. It is getting paid $80/day to babysit. Not my idea of a real job or even real work. I know! All districts need good subs. Teachers love good subs. I can probably work almost everyday. However, even working everyday as a sub, I bring home less than $15,000 for the year. It almost doesn't feel worth it. Any money is welcome, but when you are used to earning your own money...this is just insane!

I keep thinking that there is something--something important--I am supposed to learn from this. Maybe it is how to be dependant without feeling it. Maybe it is to learn how to communicate with Nick even better than we already do. I just don't know. I want to be working. I want to feel like we are going to make it financially...and I am terrified that we won't. I guess that is a pretty common fear these days, huh? Not exactly a comforting thought.

I am grateful that Nick has a good job. We are continually blessed as he continues to do well with his work. Perhaps I need to learn to be thankful for the things I do have. I'll work on it.

Elway!

As much as I love John Elway, this is not a tribute to him. Actually, Nick and I added a new addition to our family this week in the form of a puppy. His name is Elway. He is a coffe and tan colored lab/collie mix who is a fierce bundle of energy! He is our fearless little boy who loves the water and jumping frantically all over his sister, Joey.

Here he is cuddling with our Broncos blanket. Totally appropriate!