Work Stuff

I have been silly to think that I am actually doing something good here. All that really seems to be happening is that I am putting too much effort into things that aren't really going to happen, and that is a bad thing. I am making--not really enemies--but I am not a loved person. I will just have to do my very best to not stir the pot anymore. Maybe I shouldn't care. Maybe I should just put in my year and move on, but that just isn't me. Although, maybe it should be.

Romance

There really isn't enough of it in this world. I am one of those hopeless romantic types. I am also one who doesn't get it in her life very often. That is, until recently. It is amazing to me how my idea of romance has changed. I once accused Nick of not being romantic, but in reality, he is romantic in such a subtle and sweet way. It is the things he says and the ways in which he says them. It is how he hugs me with his T-Rex arms. It is the fierce kisses on my forehead and the quick squeezes in public. He's just cute, and I like him!

High School Drama

It never quite goes away, does it? I am sure that people have looked at me from time to time and thought, "I wonder if she knows that she is acting like a high school student?" Well, I hang out with them all day, so that is kind of a given. (Not really.) However, I am talking about the kind of high school drama that is so he-said, she-said. The kind of drama that involves cheap shots, nasty rumors, and hurtful words thrown at each other on blogs or emails or myspace or facebook. Since we have embraced those things in our society, have we condemned ourselves to be enternally stuck in high school? This is a thought I have been having since someone is apparently spying on me from another person's facebook account--actually not spying on me, but on my boyfriend. I have one thing to say to all the ex's of the world out there. There is a reason you are an ex! Move on and be happy that they have done the same.

Oh, Honey...

I hear this all the time from him. He says, "Oh, honey" when I am driving him nuts, "Oh, honey" when he is laughing at me, "Oh, honey" when I am upset, and "Oh, honey" when he is upset. It makes me laugh. It is his catch phrase, and I love it. I don't think I have ever had a boyfriend who calls me honey, and when he did the first time it took everything I had not to laugh at him. I love it now though--even when he says it out of pure frustration or exasperation! Oh, honey!

(He is actually blowing me a kiss in this picture.)

My Hero...

This is so obviously tongue in cheek, but really, Nick is my defender. After a horrible work day on Friday where I was called some unpleasant names by a student, I called him to tell him about it. He was angrier than me, and said all the right things and made me feel all the right things. He has always been great when it comes to this. He is my protector and my safe zone. He comforts me and makes me feel as if the world will be okay. Thank goodness I have him.

Good times

Well, they are! I only hope and pray that they stay that way. There is a lot coming up and a lot to think about in the next few months, but for now, at least, we are happy and content. I am mostly okay with still being in Colorado, but it will not be long before I will need to start thinking about the road ahead. I do feel as if I am living in some kind of limbo land. Only here, I am actually being productive and getting things done and learning--which is the most important thing. I look back at the things I wrote before, and I am sometimes grateful for the experience I have had to remember that I am a strong person and that I can handle things. I am sorry to those of you who had to worry about me. I hate to have people worried about me, but it is good to know that I am so loved.

I seriously thought about deleting this blog, but I am now thinking that it will be a way for me to really document this year of change, this year of growth, this year of happiness. Okay, I am being cheesy and no, Holly, I am not always happy. I am, however, working on it. I am better and better every week. I am glad that Nick is still a part of my life despite the utter hell I lived through over the summer. Things are different between us, but they are not a bad different. We are more open with each other. We have become better friends. We learned to fight, and we learned to forgive, to forget, and to move on. This is a lesson many of us could use!

The picture is one of my new favorites of us. I know that my family members are all rolling their eyes right now, but it is okay! This is the only way I get to look at him for now. :-)

Where we are now

Together and happy, I think. I am unsure these days again, but it is me this time. I am scared and unsure about things at the moment, and I am unsure how to deal with that. In my head I am blaming him for my insecurities and questions, but I honestly have no one to blame but myself. I am going crazy right now. I want things to be clear. I want to be in a place where we can move forward. It is coming and I know that. I think I will feel better then.